And now...Rap Snacks Sour Cream With A Dab Of Ranch, Migos Edition. Now I can’t tell if the branding is shameless or hilarious, but I’ll be god damned if I’m not finally going to be able to combine my very limited knowledge of rap with my boundless love of chips. Bout time. We out here. Sho nuff. What what? Aaannnd that’s all I got. The chip is a little soft. Like a Lays/Old Dutch. Old school. The dust...is interesting. Look it’s not a home run but it bobs and weaves. It hits you with a zesty Ranch and then finishes you off with “dat” Sour Cream right in your mouth. Or Kreem, if you will. It gets points for style and because it keeps me guessing. It also comes from a plethora of other Rap Snacks I encourage you to discover. B. Btw lolz is that a funnee d00d or a ghostie?
Wow, what fun. The Paramount in Austin came up with a real buffet of excellent choices. Since we are doing two shows here and since they killed it with the chips, let’s pick two. I’ll start off here with Doritos Ranch Dipped Hot Wings, Jacked edition. There are so many words on the cover of this bag to imply how extreme the contents are. And buddy, they don’t lie. Now listen, I haven’t ran into a chip that had too much dust, but these ride the line. Maybe that’s part of the whole Jacked line of chips, it’s hard to know, there’s a lot of Teen Marketing you have to wade through to make sense of things here. It’s also a little tricky to make sense of the flavor. Is it spicy and zippy? Yes. Will it destroy your stomach and make you shit blood if you ate a whole bag? Yes. And of course the real question — Is. It. Jacked? Yes. In short, all positives. But you can’t taste what’s what, and it should instead be called Spice Tang Flavor 4 Teenz because that’s what’s happening. Doritos lately is just messing around with various combinations of the STF4T formula like a zombie virus until they get the right one. So yes, it tastes good, but I can’t help but feel like it’s in beta. I’m also going to dock marks because I want Doritos to know I’m onto them. I see what you’re doing and you better figure your shit out because I’m the fucking CHIP KING GOD DAMMIT AND I’M A MONSTER NOW. C+. Also...door creeper much lol?
Boy these chips reviews have taken me down some twists and turns. I tell you, it’s good to be back on the road and chomping these chips. Tabernacle kicking off 2k19 in style with this excellent bag of Zapp’s Voodoo flavor. Here’s what you get. You get a crispy chip. You get tons of dust. It’s zippy. It’s tangy. It’s actually close to All Dressed (the greatest flavor of all time) but cool and hip and “with it” enough to do its own thang. Not to mention it’s got that zip zap crawdaddy mes amis bon temps dark magic for anyone NUTS enough to temp those swamp witches for their slinky skunky flavor FLAVOR. Emeril Lagasse said it best: BAM! A. Btw, fiiinnnddd Beeennnnyyyyyyy!!!
Feels good flying again on my way to Atlanta/Austin for some make em ups. Flying today made me appreciate every Air Traffic Controller out there that’s working without pay because of the nonsense going on with...Him. It? Pennywise? A clown, for sure. Anyway. Appreciate all the folks who kept us safe through much trickier weather than featured here. Kisses.
So...someone got themselves a tattoo...and...it’s confli— it’s an honor.
All our current tour dates are sold out except for a few tickets to the late show in Austin 1/13 at the Paramount and 1/26 in Denver, also at a theater called the Paramount. Tickets at our website www.middleditchandschwartz.com so come and get hugged from behind by a stranger.
Last night I did my best to turn the Kings broadcast into a CBB episode.
Watch the @lakings
broadcast tonight because clutch hockey analyst Tony Babcock will be joining. “Holy hot stuff, that’s a level of spice I’ll be unsure of tomorrow morning!” Trading card by @cuylersmith