You simply cannot keep engaging in ED or OCD behaviours and expect to progress in recovery. Period. .
As long as you engage in any disordered behaviour, your neural pathways which keep this behaviour perpetuating will remain intact. I know that I justified to myself that some of my behaviours were minor or no big deal in comparison with others, but EVERY SINGLE BEHAVIOUR MATTERS. You will never be free until you deal with and ditch all disordered behaviour, no matter how insignificant we may tell ourselves that they are. Be brave, take your power back. You got this 👊🏼
Take a deep breath and repeat after me ⬆️ .
Remember nothing lasts forever, not even a bad day 💜
People can really fucking suck. They can be cruel & nasty & spiteful. It’s important to keep in mind that generally, hurt people hurt people. It can be really tricky, but try not to personalize their cruel behavior or take it too harshly. Instead remember that they are probably either not in a great place themselves or don’t have much going on in their own life. Focus on protecting your energy, as that is what is paramount.
It can be helpful when dealing with toxic people to remember that your goal is not to win a particular argument, but to live a peaceful life, without toxic energy & negativity. It is also essential that you do whatever you can to take back your power. You can do this by:
🦋 reflecting on what bothers you & what you are willing to tolerate & setting realistic healthy boundaries.
🦋 explaining your boundaries to those infringing them in a polite, clear, calm & confident manner.
🦋 you could even prepare responses for when you see the toxic person. E.g “if they say ‘abc’ I will say ‘xyz’”. Preparation can be very empowering! .
Remember though, that you may have to agree to disagree. People can be irrational & generally, we cannot change or control people, we can only change & control our responses to them. It therefore might be best to try to steer clear of these people all together– for your own sanity’s sake. .
Unfortunately sometimes we cannot completely eliminate toxic people from our lives. In such an instance after explaining our boundaries, we can keep them at an emotionally safe distance. Only interact when you absolutely must & as soon as they cross your boundaries remove yourself from the situation if possible, or remind them that their behaviour is unacceptable & practice appropriate self care. Remember, it’s not you, it’s them! .
Finally, what you put up with, you end up with! That is, the behavior you allow will continue. You are worthy & deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve a life free of bullying, belittling & bullshit. It is absolutely crucial that you stand up for what you deserve & defend your energy from those who drag you down.
I feel like this is not talked about enough & can definitely be part of the recovery journey. I know that at points throughout my recovery I definitely felt a loss of sorts. You may feel the need to grieve the loss of something that you used to cope for so many years. Any addiction is so personal & so intimate that when the behaviour is gone, as much as we are grateful to have our lives and health back, it can feel as though something is missing, even though we know that “something” is trying to kill us. At times I missed my ED as it acted like a best friend, a safety blanket & an escape. I never felt alone cos I always had my little sick companion, I didn’t have to worry about the real world and as long as I followed its rules everything would be okay (of course, this was not the reality) .
During these times it is important to acknowledge how you’re feeling without judgment; you are not bad, nor have you failed for having these feelings. However you MUST NOT give in to the ED urges based upon these feelings. I promise you will regret giving in and following your ED. Remind yourself that a friend would not cause you such damage & destruction as an ED does. It would not bully & torment you, it would not ravish your body & crush your spirit. It would not push away people who really love you like your friends & family. It would not ruin your life which is what an ED does. Feel your grief, work through it with a therapist and your support network & know that feelings of loss and emptiness can be a totally normal part of recovery.
Recovery is so worth it 💞
It is better to be alone than surround yourself with people who do not want the best for you 💞
For anyone who needs this today 😘
Following on from my previous post ➡️ here are some ideas on how to deal with anxiety in the middle of the night: .
🦋 have a wind down routine. The goal of this is to relax your body and prime it for sleep. I have heard this suggestion 47293 times & am finally going to implement it! Usually I am so tired from the day that I can’t be bothered doing anything nice & end up mindlessly scrolling through Instagram with the TV on in the background before going to sleep. This is even worse, as really we should be having a ‘digital blackout’ for an hour before bed, unplugging all devices that could stimulate the mind. This is as LCD screens emit blue light, which is the same sort as sunlight, so it plays havoc with our sleep hormones. Our body clock gets confused and starts thinking it’s daytime again, so it inhibits the sleep hormone melatonin and releases the waking hormone cortisol. You don’t need to be a sleep specialist to ascertain that this is not the ideal pre-bed routine! So let’s implement this tip together. Allow half an hour before bed for an identical pre-sleep routine (the more identical you can make every evening, the more you train your body to prepare for sleep & the easier it will be to achieve). The routine doesn’t have to be elaborate; it may involve things such as having a shower, washing your face, brushing your teeth, moisturising your face, putting on your PJs & climbing into bed with a book.
🦋 I have previously written a post about ‘worry time’, which is were you allot a certain amount of time purely to worry. Conduct your worry time well before going to sleep, say around 8pm. Brainstorm & write down all the possible reasons why you might feel unsettled or anxious. Indulge your anxiety & include all the ‘what if’ scenarios. This can work really well because when you can see them in black & white, you feel like you’ve dealt with all your anxieties. If you do this consistently, your mind starts to expect this period of time to worry & you will be able to sleep through the night as the worries have been “actioned”. CONTINUED IN COMMENTS BELOW ⬇️⬇️⬇️
Unfortunately & annoyingly, my anxiety peaks in the middle of the night. Somehow our problems seem so much worse at 3am. During the day our conscious mind is occupied with distractions like school, work or friends & we are focussing on the task at hand. At night, all our barriers are down & anything that’s lurking within our subconscious seems to come up & is magnified.
Our feelings of isolation and insignificance in the universe can also seem so much greater in the middle of the night. I have heard from many of you that you too wake up in the middle of the night flooded with anxiety and fear. .
Why does this happen?
We sleep in cycles of approx 90mins - 2 hours long & it’s normal to wake up between these cycles. We typically wake up, change positions & then move into the next sleep stage. The evolutionary reason for these awakenings was to check for danger; we have therefore evolved to wake up & be on red alert. If we are dealing with some heavy shit in our day to day life &/or are stressed, rather than slipping seamlessly from one sleep cycle to another we tend to fully wake up out of the cycle & can be in a full state of fight-or-flight, feeling dread & anxiety.
I will discuss tips to combat anxiety in the middle of the night in the next post ⬅️
Has anyone tried magnesium supplements to assist with anxiety & specifically sleeping? .
As a nervous system & muscle relaxant, magnesium assists with fear, irritability & restlessness. Studies have found that feelings of fear and panic can be significantly reduced with greater magnesium intake. I’m going to try this little bby tonight & hopefully get some solid 💤
Gratitude 🙌🏽 the notion of exercising gratitude has come into vogue recently & in my opinion it’s for good reason. It may sound airy fairy and cliché however it really does work in improving our perspective & increasing contentment with our circumstances. Many studies over the past decade have found that people who consciously count their blessings tend to be happier and less depressed. The studies suggest that gratitude practises can be beneficial not just for healthy, well-adjusted individuals, but also for those who struggle with mental health concerns. .
Much of our time & energy is spent pursuing things we currently don’t have. Gratitude reverses our priorities to help us appreciate the people and things we do. In the age of social media it is so easy to fall into the comparison trap. We see others posting their highlight reel & this can make us feel less than or like we should be doing ‘fill in the blank’ or should have ‘fill in the blank’. When I notice myself feeling shitty about certain things I make a concerted effort to stop focusing what I don’t have & remember to focus on what I do have. If we are adamant to compare (which I can’t help myself from doing sometimes) I remind myself that some people could only dream of having the things we have like clean water, sufficient food, a phone, a support network, a healthy body, a job, the option to study etc. This is difficult to remember when you’re feeling shit, but by frequently practising gratitude for the little things, we are more easily able to move into a grateful space & unshackle ourselves from toxic feelings. .
You could practise gratitude by keeping a journal, by writing letters that you never send (or you can choose to send them & spread some love), or by photographing little things in your everyday life that make you smile. The gratitude practises don’t have to be grand gestures, they just need to be consistent. Be patient & remember that the benefits of gratitude might take time to kick in, but they will be worth it when they do!
🙌🏽 Your body is so much wiser than some man made device spitting arbitrary digits at you. You cannot base your worth on these numbers. They will never be able to even begin to explain why you’re worthy. They cannot capture your talents, your humour, your intelligence, the way you listen to others, your love for animals, your ability to dominate karaoke, your natural gifts or anything else that makes you so amazingly YOU! .
I would strongly suggest that you ditch all of the above devices and instead learn to listen to and trust your body. It knows what it needs more than any piece of plastic or an app ever could! It will not lead you astray!
Both on social media and in real life! 🙌🏽💖🦋 .
Interact with accounts and people who lift you up, make you feel good and empowered. Who support you and want the best for you. You deserve to be surrounded with people who love you and promote healthy ideas. If you havnt found them yet, be patient, they will come. Remember, your vibe attracts your tribe, so put out the energy you want to get back 💞