madamemcweed

Mariah

My saga of mmj, doctors, & chronic, life threatening illnesses. My life is governed by Murphy's Law. Follow at your own risk. I am not a doctor.

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Home. The procedure went very poorly. I vomited on myself during the procedure. When they tried to remove the breathing tube at the end, milky white fluid came pouring out of my lungs. No one has a clue, so they are dismissing it. However, the colonoscopy found nothing. Still no answers and no relief. I just wish this headache would go away. #tired #pain #complications #done #idontknowwhatelsetodo #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
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I am exhausted and so profoundly nauseated. Every fiber in my body is telling me to get up and run. But, I am checked in at the hospital and waiting for them to take me back for prep. Soon this will all be over. #prep #pain #colonoscopy #scared #here #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
Almost done. I got 4 broken hours of sleep and woke up at 6 am to do round two of my prep. I was unable to keep it down, and spent the morning getting sick. I feel horrid and will probably need another tube change. This is exhausting. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. #pain #exhausted #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity #feedingtube #tubie #livingroom
I am home. I have started my colonoscopy prep. So far, I just wish this raging headache would go away. I don’t know what to blame the headache on, so I’m going to pick the fact it is day two of a clear liquid diet. Tomorrow will be better, oh, wait, nope, Wednesday, Wednesday will be better. Tomorrow is also going to suck, but then it will be over. One more day. I got this for one more day. Didn’t quite have it today, but I tried and managed to make it through. I would really love a vacation from my chronic illness, hell, even just a weekend away would be bliss. The pain is exhausting. #done #tryagaintomorrow #pain #exhausted #ijustwannasleepinsteadofshitmybrainsout #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
Drove to Rocklin for my CT. Lady there decided I can’t have my imaging done because I have POTS and the contrast is iodine based. I had an entire discussion with the person scheduling about my POTS, but the lady in Rocklin decided it’s not worth her time and inconvenience to help me. We drove all the way back to the main hospital, ya know, where I had my first two appointments, and theoretically they will be doing my scan here today. Unfortunately, I will probably have to cancel my colonoscopy because I won’t have enough time to do the prep. I’m hungry and angry and exhausted and in even more pain from the unnecessary car ride. Hubs missed most of work today because of this crap. Someone else made a mistake and, yet again, I am the one suffering the consequences. This sucks. #done #broken #exhausted #pain #waiting #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
Today seems to be my own personal hell. I am in a lot of pain and very hungry, so I am very short tempered today. It took everything I had not to rip a clock off the wall and chuck it out a third story window because it was ticking too loud for me. Now, we are at my genetics appointment, but she works out of pediatric clinic, so I get to hear kids fussing and screaming and “the wheels on the bus” on effing repeat. I have absolutely no patience and feel like an absolute asshole just sitting here stewing, angry at everyone around me for just trying to get through the day. This is the other side of chronic illness we try to hide. I am using every ounce of energy I have just to be here and not snap at people. They don’t deserve me yelling at them because I am having a bad day. There are just only so many times I can listen to “the wheels on the bus” before I calmly grab her phone and chuck it across the lawn outside. I am choosing silence because they don’t deserve my misdirected ire. I’m exhausted. I just gotta keep my mouth shut and get through this without snapping. I really wish I was better at being the person I want to be, instead of this angry, bitter, stewing sack of rage. #angry #pain #patience #exhausted #grumpy #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
Clear liquid diet began today for the colonoscopy. Hopefully we get some answers and this misery will be worth it. At least I make really good homemade fish stock. #food #diet #hope #homemade #stock #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
I’ve been working on my thought patterns lately, trying to catch distorted thinking that can come from fear and pain. I’ve had a lot of bad days in my life, especially recently. You know what they all have in common?? I have survived all off them. I am batting 100%. I got this. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much. CT scan on Monday. Colonoscopy on Tuesday. No more weed until after the colonoscopy. I’m starting to get used to this hand basket. I may be kind of quiet for the next few days. Pain makes me mean, so I chose to become silent, instead. I don’t want to say things out of short lived pain that I will regret for the long term. Pain changes people. I get to chose how I respond. I chose silence. I love you all. Thank you for understanding. C, K, T, G, thank you. I love you. Tonight, the cats attend. #pain #hurt #cat #cats #love #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
Infusing today. Feeling a little more hopeful now that my CT is scheduled. I’m exhausted from the pain and lack of sleep, but hanging in there. Hopefully we will have some sort of answers by this time next week. The pain isn’t forever and hopefully there is some available treatment for whatever the hell is going on. I could use some good vibes to get me through the next few days and then the tests. This hurts, but I got this. #pain #hospital #constipation #hope #potd #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
This is why we can’t have nice things. I managed to spill bong water on the table today. However, I was able to get it before it got between the leaves of the table, which I count as a solid victory. I grabbed some special soap to counteract that stank with essential oil, and it worked well. My table doesn’t stink of bong water! Woot!! Crisis averted. It’s been a really, really long day. #soap #mess #problemsolver #oops #essentialoils #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
Resting for my infusion. This pain takes so much energy not to be snippy. I have a colonoscopy in 6 days. My GI tried to order a CT scan, but insurance denied it. I have to go to the emergency room for them to cover it, and I’m just not interested in playing that game. Hopefully we can figure out a solution. I’m currently out of ideas, so I’ll ask the people’s hero for help until I can come up with another solution. @berniesanders can you help my Vermonter husband and I get the care I need, please?? Anyone have any other ideas?? #berniesanders #vermont #help #please #sick #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
Imagine one of the worst things that has happened to you. That thing that gave you nightmares for years. For me, that was waking up during a colonoscopy at 18 and being told by the doctor I wouldn’t remember it as he continued the procedure while I pled and screamed. Today I had another GI appointment (with a different GI from the event above) and consented to my third colonoscopy ever. I can no longer avoid it, especially since my insurance company will not authorize a CT scan. We are out of ideas. Hopefully it will give us some answers and not be a waste of time. #gi #nightmare #hope #pump #fingerscrossed #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
Alice loves outside time. I just wish it wasn’t so smokey. Smoke isn’t good for asthmatic humans or asthmatic kitties. I hope everyone stays safe and they can put those wildfires out soon. #fire #kitty #smoke #cat #catsofinstagram #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
At the hospital for husband’s upper endoscopy. A little nervous since he perforated during his last one at a different hospital. Life is never dull in a house where everyone has serious medical conditions. #hospital #sick #medicine #bed #white #bornthisway #invisibleillness #progress #healing #chronicillness #medicine #dysautonomia #gastroparesis #HSD #hypermobile #california #queer #girlswhosmokeweed #weedismedicine #legalize #pot #ganja #ganjagirl #mmj #marijuana #medicalmarijuana #stoner #high #cannabis #cannabiscommunity
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