I love being the person no one expects me to be. I love that people underestimate me and my mind. I love that people assume I don't know shit about politics based on my long blonde locks. I love watching them as they try to undermine my words, uncomfortable with the fact that I, a 20 year old blonde woman, just shook up their whole perspective on life with a few sentences. Little do they know that their patronising tone bares no power over the love I have for myself.
Being constantly underestimated by my feminity and age is my super power. In a world where being young, feminine and woman is associated with weakness and vulnerability, I embrace it instead as my strength. We should all make a conscious effort to stop assuming, and approach every situation as if we know nothing about this person. Because guess what? We DON'T. That's our bias talking
Pic by @ava.fersi
In 2019 we're REFUSING to shrink ourselves!!! Ok?! It's YOU who suffers the consequences of the choices you make, it's YOU who's left feeling uncomfortable by shrinking to fit into places, and people, that you have outgrown. So make choices based on what fulfills YOU. You do not owe anyone anything. Stop wasting time on people who don't realise what a privilege it is to even know you. If I have learned one thing from the incredible women that I've met this year, it's that ALL of them have firm boundaries, and that anyone who tries to test those boundaries, has got to go. Immediately. Someone who tries to test your boundaries shouldn't even have the privilege to breathe the same air as you. I wish I applied this earlier on in life, there are people I kept around for way too long who didn't deserve to know me...but we learn from our mistakes.
No more pining after people who don't text back. No more friends or lovers who only keep you around because of what you can DO for them. Relationships, whatever form, are an exchange of energy. If you're not receiving enough back, dump them. You do NOT need their crusty needy whiney energy in your life. Providing free emotional labour under the guise of being a 'strong person' and a 'good friend' ain't the one. You deserve love and support too.
So my album drops next week!! 😤😂 just kidding...Interviewed and featured on @phoenixmaguk
among lots of other incredible and disruptive people as 'one to watch' for 2019 ⚡...so no pressure! A year ago I would've gagged knowing that I would be featured on ANY kind of list of change makers/artists and now I'm ONE OF THEM!
😤💦😏 catch this babe on @thisisspokepod
link in my bio !!! We discussed finding your purpose, imposter syndrome and white privilege among many other topics, all to do with the theme of learning and finding your purpose. This was my first guest spot on a podcast 😅 but the energy in the room was spectacular and I am so proud of the episode! In conversation with other incredible artists and activists @theslumflower @dreph_
~ link in bio ~
I wonder if one day women and femmes will be able to just exist and present themselves in a way that is not automatically assumed to be for the attention of a cis man... 📸 By @ava.fersi
No more relationships/friendships with people that make you feel guilty about your accomplishments. #dumpthem
Women and femmes are socialised to pander to the needs of EVERYONE else before ourselves. You can always tell how someone really feels about you based on how they react to your achievements and good news. Do they always deflect the conversation back onto them? Do they become passive aggressive and start saying things they know will 'push your buttons'? Do they constantly undermine your achievements? Do they make you feel guilty when you talk about your achievements, to the point you just stop telling them things? Do you literally feel exhausted after seeing them, because they only drop in when they need advice?...
Protect your energy. Choose yourself. Get rid of the weight that's holding you down. It's YOU who suffers the consequences of the choices you make, it's YOU who's left feeling uncomfortable by shrinking to fit into places, and people, that you have outgrown. So make choices based on what fulfills YOU. Not what you can do for SOMEONE ELSE who cannot see your worth past what you are PROVIDING for them. You are not their therapist. Stop wasting time on people who don't realise what a privilege it is to even know you
Wish I knew earlier that my #GirlCrushes
were actually just real, equally valid crushes like the ones I was encouraged to experience with men, and that sexuality is a spectrum enabling a person to feel attracted to ALL genders. There is so much shame behind being attracted to other women we literally have to call it a 'girl crush' to make sure people know we're 'not queer'. Internalised homophobia squashed my queerness into a #girlcrush
as if that's all it is. YOUR QUEERNESS IS VALID. Your attraction to same sex people does not require you to then define your sexuality if you don't want to. It's just a part of who you are. If you feel an ounce of connection to who you really are at all...THOSE ARE YOUR BEST BITS UNTOUCHED BY SOCIAL CONDITIONING! That is your identity! Be proud of it. Don't let it go for anyone. EMBRACE IT.
The internalised misogynist inside of myself (I effing hate her) tells me that women shouldn't do 'certain things' because of the sexist narrative our society has laid out for us. It is through years of re-training that I have minimised the power she has over my thoughts...judging other women is just a quick way to get out of dealing with the things we dislike about OURSELVES. We seek comfort in other women's perceived 'flaws' in an attempt to avoid addressing our own insecurities
Every time you catch yourself critiquing a woman on the choices that she makes, who she sleeps with, how she dresses...sit in it. Reflect. What is it about her that makes you feel so uncomfortable? Maybe she reminds you of yourself. The parts of yourself that you are ashamed of. Perhaps who you used to be? Or, maybe she's the very person you WANT to be? Making bold choices for herself that you are too afraid to? The choices that society has made you feel shameful of, because they go against the patriarchal narrative? Or maybe you just really fancy her and need to admit that ur queer and go ask her out?!
Ask yourself WHY you think this way. Reprogram your patriarchal brainwashing. The girl you're jealous and hateful of isn't a bitch, your internalised misogynist is. Give it a name. Tell it to eff off! It's ruining your relationship with other women
You better believe the room was shaking from all this powerful female energy
Such an incredible day hanging out with people who are gonna CHANGE THE WORLD. Love to @legallyblackuk
in this discussion with me at @stylistlive
! Could have done with an extra hour tbh ✨
You do not exist as a source of empowerment for people who drop in and out of your life and refuse to sort their own shit out. There's someone else who needs that energy. IT'S YOU. Dump him. Welcome to your new life #ThankYouNext