MOTHERFUCKER I FUCKING GOT IT, I'VE FINALLY PINNED DOWN THE ORIGIN
it's fucking 1:14 AM as of now and this is something I've been thinking about for years now BUT not until today where i really start thinking hard and I've done it.. I know now why i started isolating myself and the reason is honestly so damn dumb.
Let's go back to the beginning of middle school, fresh out of elementary barely starting ms some dickhead that used to be one of my closest friends at the time started changing up drastically and started saying shit like im annoying and that im weird (around his friends too) and i took it hard i guess cause i couldn't tell if he was playing or not. So soon that idea that i was annoying grew in my head and i somehow ended up convincing myself that i was just an annoyance to everyone around me and i didn't like the idea so soon enough i just distanced myself from everyone i knew and figured if they really wanted to talk to me they'll come up to me.. And a lot of them did at first but i think pretty soon they got tired of them having to come up to me ALL the time and in the end i ended up alone.
The reason this pisses me off is because im just realizing right now how fucking stupid i am like how tf did i let some shit like that get to me :/