People talk all the time about - "I wish I didn't' have a care in the world." They ask for freedom from boredom, or busyness.
They don't want to worry about money, or the lack of it.
They don't want to think about all the pain in the world, or all the people who are suffering.
They don't want a care in the world. The just want to be free.
That's what depression is - a state where you are unable to care about anything.
And it fucking sucks!
I'd love to care about our lack of funds.
I'd love to care about other people.
I'd love to care about what's happening in my life.
I'd love TO BE ABLE TO CARE.
But I can't.
Unfortunately, I'm also not quite numb.
In fact, at any given moment, I'm completely overwhelmed by grief and pain, until it feels like it's choking me.
That only serves to draw further energy out of me, draining me >> like a vampire draining the life out of a virgin.
Depression makes it hard to care about anything or anyone - - including yourself and your own life.
I know that healing is on it's way. This doesn't last. I KNOW that. I've been thru this far too many times to totally give in to the despair.
So I write.
I journal my feelings and my dark thoughts.
I try to re-frame them, to see them differently.
When I can't "work thru" what I'm feeling, I still journal. I get it out of my heard. I get it out of my heart. Because that, alone, does help.
If I need medical intervention, I get it.
And - I let myself be depressed. I let myself cry. I let myself feel what few feelings I can handle.
Because that helps, too.
I'm in this right now. I won't be forever.
If you're in it right now, please hold on.
You won't be in it forever.
I promise. >>>
(the pic is a rainbow i caught - i hope it makes you smile)
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