I loved the dress I'm wearing in this pic. I look so awks tho! (If you know me, respect that this is my journal/venting account. Please do not read further or swipe past the trigger warning if you are not in a good place. Take care of yourself!!) TW: ED & SH etc
So jealous of my body in this picture. It's from three years ago. 70 pounds ago. I was regimented in starving myself but this was just before I was put onto the medications that would cause my restriction to turn into aggressive and constant bingeing. Ever since this picture I have gained and lost dozens of pounds through rigorous starvation and violent purging, extreme binges of thousands upon thousands of calories. I think of all the money I have wasted on bingeing... If I had saved that money on useless calories, perhaps I would not be so far in debt.
I also see the scars on my arm in this picture. In the next slide after the trigger warning is my arms now. God, I wish I could go back. Back in time to when my scars were a lot less.. violently visible is the best term I could think of. I wish I could hold my past self in my arms and tell her that the pain gets easier. That I don't have to suffer because of the cruelty of monstrous people. I wish I could tell her that in time things would get better. I'd make real, true friends. I'd learn about my #dissociativeidentity
and my system. I'd learn I am not crazy, just wired different.
I wish I could do it all over again.
Anyway, it has definitely been a rough day today. I hope you all are taking care of yourself.
Love, K. 🥀
#love #life #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #cptsd #cptsdawareness #1in5 #mentalillness #stopthestigma #strength #beauty #anxiety #depression #psychosis #adhd #warrior #fighter #mdd #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #eupd #bulimia