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I wanna share this with you, raw and vulnerable and at the same time strong as I feel the growth that is happening within me at the moment.
We all know that experiences in the childhood and our past in general create patterns and behaviors that were needed back then to protect us or even to survive. .
I never had many close people in my life. Most of the time I could simply break it down to one female friend and a boyfriend. And tho I am a free spirit and used to laugh when someone spoke about long term plans and security (cause my life was always changing and I know that we never know what's going to happen) , I just found out that I was looking and longing for security in these two close connections and fucking hell while writing this i just had to stop cause it just hit me that i was always looking for the security my parents weren't able to give me (bless them). .
Especially strong was that longing on my fathers side and therefore with the man I wanted to be with... tho when I look back now, did I really want to be with all of them or was that just my pattern. Today when I look back on some dates and of what I truly need or want in a rship, I'm glad they didn't work out. .
I was always afraid of being left alone and you can imagine that standing up for myself and speaking my truth and what I need isn't what i learned from a young age on. .
When I finally started to do so after my cancer experience in 2011 I made the experience of people leaving, tho I always tried to express myself carefully and in the best loving way available for me in any moment. I ended up with my father leaving my life too. Pretty discouraging when you just start to get into your power and speak your truth. .
And now here I am again, communicating my truth and it scares the shit out of me cause I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want not to be liked by the people I like and maybe even get rejected. It really is a tough one but I feel like I have no choice but to go through this process and risking not being liked or being left. No choice but to do what's best for my mental, emotional and physical health and to take so good care of myself. It is time. (More in the comments)
Happy 5 years of marriage to my better half! Don’t even know where to begin, but I know I would be lost in this world without you. You’ve been my best friend since we were 15, and I pray every day we get to grow old and gray together. You’re the man of my wildest dreams and you’ve made so many of my dreams come true. I love you with all of my heart and I always will. 😚 #5yearanniversary#marriage#bestfriend#husband#soulmate#neverstopexploring
HAPPY 8th ANNIVERSARY DADENG @kingchuckiemark 🙏🏻 thankyou sa unconditional love para sakin and sa mga kiddos natin 😘 14yrs of love and friendship it is 👌 walang picture yung 2009 and 2011 kasi yan yung time na pumunta kana dito sa canada 😢 pero thank god you came back, lagi mong tatandaan ikaw ang 2nd love ko.. 1st si god kasi galing ka lang sa kanya 🙏🏻 I will be always thankful and blessed that I have you.. sa mga nagsasabi na walang forever, ipakita naten na nagkakamali sila.. I wish us good health, god fearing and faithful relationship ❤️ to infinity and beyond 👍🏻 #anniversary#love#forever#soulmate#family#blessed#thankful