Ich war gestern seid na Ewigkeit mal wieder in ‘nem Stadion und es war so arg cool! Auch wenn ich zwischendurch etwas Angst hatte wegen den vielen Menschen und auch nen paar Triggerfaktoren da waren, aber das Spiel war total toll und wir haben 3:0 gewonnen.😍 War also alle sehr erfolgreich und ich bin fei so glücklich und könnt schon wieder ins Stadion.🙆🏽♀️💚
Seid ihr auch Fußball-Fans? Schreit mir ma euren Verein in die Kommentare.🙈
I found these in Bealls today, and it made me angry and disappointed. I can’t stand diet culture. These plates are a perfect example. What kind of messages are we teaching the world when we glorify restriction and control? Anyway on a different note, I’m super stressed and anxious about this week. School/exams, advising appointment, and memorizing a bach suite. I can barely keep my eyes open, so I’m going to bed. I just felt like I needed to upload something I missed yesterday😅
These past couple weeks have left me feeling nothing but anxious, lonely, extremely depressed and uncontrollably dissociated. I just keep feeling like I am out of control and I can’t do anything about it. It is true that I can’t control my mental state, but I can control how I cope with it. Yesterday all I felt was nothingness...I felt like I wasn’t even there, like I wasn’t real and nothing that was happening was real. The whole day I felt dissociated. Then today, I felt a bit better...I bonded with my mom while we decorated cookies and I had a nice time out for pizza with my family. Now it’s past midnight and my anxiety is coming in full circle, making sure it’s the number 1 thing on my mind. It’s in the drivers seat. I didn’t know what to do to turn it off other than to make a fancy picture with a quote that stabs anxiety in the back. It felt relaxing to make this picture aesthetically pleasing as well as empowering. Because anxiety DOES NOT control you. It may feel like it at most times, but you have the power to say NO to your anxiety and tell it to get the heck out, who hired you to work here in my brain?? Sure wasn’t me! 😂
#anxiety #anxietyquotes #recovery #mentalhealth #mentalhealthjourney #anxietyjourney #ptsdrecovery #ptsd #freedomfromed #edrecovery #selfharmrecovery #bulimiarecovery #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery
Today’s reminder to self :) Gratitude is a beautiful key to help us to unlock joy.
Look for the magic in the little things :)
Dear ***, It's been 4 years and 3 days since the day I left you. I hope you're suffering the consequences. I hope you cringe at the thought of my name. There are people who are comforted knowing you're permanently held on a leash by the federal government. I know I sleep better with that in mind.
I hope you realize what a sick piece of crap you are for exploiting vulnerable teenage girls.
I hope you regret me for the rest of your life.
I don't think about you often anymore.
I can walk into that store you liked. I can even say your name out loud.
If I had to face you again, I wouldn't cry this time. I wouldn't shake. if I could stand infront of you one more time, you'd feel small. I am a goddamn mountain and you will never knock me down.
You taught me a valuable lesson in stripping me of my sense of self and sense of safety. In destroying me, you gave me the change to build myself from the ground up. And for that, I will thank you. You gave me the opportunity to be strong. I was strong enough for all of us. For *****, for *******, for ******, and for me.
I hope you rot.
In 3 years, every cell in my body will have replaced itself. In 3 years, I will have a body you never touched. .
#PTSD #ptsdrecovery #abusesurvivor #mentalhealthblogger #survivor #strongenough #whatdoesntkillyoumakesyoustronger
Blurry, happy pictures 🌈
Wanted to share some of the lyrics to a song I've written. I think some of us could benefit from them. 🎶 "Stained and scarred, I'm not a perfect canvas. I may be torn, but dont ever call me damaged. I am weather worn, but I survived the storm. I took my time and that's enough. I am not broken, I'm enough -
Carve my body. Make me something perfect. But don't change a thing, because I already earned it. I am not a doll, I'm not likeable. I am not an icon, your idol, your ghost. I am water carving into stone, slowly changing. Always changing. -
You couldn't break me if you tried. They couldn't break me, oh they tried. They tried to burn me, so I burned. They tried to kill me, so I learned." 🎶
#recovery #ptsdrecovery #ptsd #mentalillness #mentalhealthblogger #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexiarecovery #selflove
Letting the light in can allow me to radiant my true effervescence ... my truth ... every word ... every syllable & vowel #truth #truecolors
Those who were part of my past deconstructive journey will cringe, curse & squirm - react, repel & deny!
My true colours shine brightly, translucent, transparent & forever transforming - I survived, I am surviving & I will forever survive!
They watch me closely, here & some avoid to make the connect with my truth - a mirror to their own soul!
I only ask, that the universe provides them with the courage, vulnerability & insight, that I have been provided with .... I only ask, that they respect my right to express & shed light on the injustice experienced by generations of the past 10 decades & beyond ... still surviving on this Planet 🌎 🚧
We walk the same paths, paved uniquely different & at the same time share a common landscape ⛰- made of mountainous, cliff faces 🧗♀️ valleys, gorges, rapid rivers & plunging waterfalls ... we navigate them all, together!
I speak my truth to heal!
My journey does not end here - I will continue to shed light on the injustices, the stigma & the ignorance, that culture, tradition & generational abusive patterns cause #justice #adultsurvivorsofchildhoodtrauma #blueknot
ILARIO 🕺🏻VITALIS on youtube subscribe to Constructing ilario
#cptsd #cptsdovercomer #overcomer #cptsdsurvivor #complexptsd #cptsdawareness #ptsd #ptsdrecovery
#ptsdawareness #ptsdawareness #mindhealth #anxiety #health #childabusesurvivor #childabuse #highlysensitiveperson
I still have this insane dream to get here. Although right now it seems almost impossible to get here, I know with a lot of hard work and focus this dream will come true.
For everyone, even if the dreams seems so far away, it’s actually closer than you think. Keep fighting. ❤️ #keep
your focus #ptsdawareness #ptsdrecovery
Had an awesome beach ride with the kiddo today 🏖 🛹 🛴 had such a blast! 😁 Also, tried out our new #gimble
which made the video a bit smoother for the first time 😝 how’d I do? Hehe! Much love to you all and let’s have a blessed week! 🙏
Fun fact: Healing is hard. Family is harder. Especially when Christmas is quickly approaching. Cupcakes help.
008 • Vulnerability (4/4)
I’ve had a myriad of grown-ass Homo sapiens mock/shame/judge me for my “inferior” philosophy on sexual intercourse. And, as I reflect on my playful and passionate one-night (no-sex) stand with Romeo, I am reminded of the immense Soul-binding value that physical and emotional vulnerability can bring into a sexual partnership.
My brief rendezvous with this beautiful being reaffirmed why I’m still willing to be deeply humiliated and painfully rejected by men who are too weak to engage in a non-sexual, Soul-connecting and spiritually orgasmic relationship.
No one here needs to remind me of the delusional decision (albeit, well-studied and well-thought out) I made in my late teens to do my best (coz this shit’s not easy) to refrain from all forms of sex until I meet the idiot who wants to be united with me in the prison of marriage.
Make no mistake folks, as a highly sensual human being, I’m extremely aware that the chances of my meeting a theologically-rooted and partnership-oriented man are slim to none, especially considering my age – and most especially considering the free-sex philosophy that has existed since time immemorial.
Regardless, at the end of the day, the hope – and again, it is an awfully thin ray of hope – that I might engage in (a minimum of) three decades worth of sacred sex (quickies included) from my late thirties onward with a man who fears G-d, cherishes the feminine divine, understands what it is to suffer, craves authentic love, possesses a ‘till-insanity-or-death-do-us-part mentality, and knows how to patiently deal with my salty self – well, that dream (hallucination) keeps me going.
Because if there’s one recurring lesson I’ve learned in the 10 years of informal interviews I’ve hosted with sexually active peers (namely, women), it’s this: cheap sex costs a lot more than you think.
Lensed by Marina Ray.
007 • Vulnerability (3/4)
Earlier this year, I got emotionally involved with two fuckboys (no sex involved), and I (eventually) took full responsibility for the mental hell I placed myself in. So, when Romeo started flirting with me throughout the night and made it clear he wanted to kiss me, I was down.
Aside from the fact that I was attracted to him/his personality, I superficially reasoned this was my one chance to redeem myself with a super sweet hottie before 2018 comes to a pathetic close.
I made it clear to Romeo that if we made-out, we would strictly be engaging in a one-time, tongue wrestling session (with perks).
When I casually noted my semi-virgin status, his face lit up. (FYI/TMI, I’ve been the recipient of oral sex three times in 38 years - I’m claiming this sexual activity as a social experiment - and, I’ve had zero penile-vaginal/anal intercourse.) Romeo offered a genuine “Cool!” and threw an attractive boyish grin my way, paired with a penetrating gaze that carved a tiny dent in my Soul.
Sidenote: Romeo is one of only TWO men in my lifetime who opted not to verbally degrade me (or ghost me) upon learning of my sex stance, and, I’m not shocked because he and his brethren were well-trained to treat women with the utmost of respect.
Long story short (it’s too late for that, I know), I had the best night/morning of my life this year. And, this means that statistically speaking, my next make-out sesh is officially several years away. I’m not kidding. Hopefully, it’s with my imaginary husband.
Lensed by Dionysius Burton.