I love to watch people grow and learn. It is amazing to see the moment a lightbulb turns on and things click. As someone who has an advanced degree in education, I know the value of allowing people to learn at their own pace. In the classroom, it was my job to provide materials, time, and a climate conducive to learning, and to create an environment that facilitates authentic learning experiences. This looked like emotional safety, multiple paths to learning (utilizing various learning styles and senses), freedom to choose and uncover what works, space and time to for discoveries, and a judgement-free community. It did not look like feeding answers to people, taking choices from them, or controlling how and when they must learn a particular objective. It did not look like hostility, judgement, and disapproval. My personal worth was not tied up in whether or not each mind grasped the learning objectives on a set timeline. •
Even knowing all of this, there was a block around this knowledge when it came to my husband. As someone who has struggled over half of his life with substance abuse and addiction, he undoubtedly has quite a few lessons to learn for himself in reaching his goal of learning to lead a functional life. Just as I do not get over-invested in the ways my students, or even my own children progress, I do not need to become over-invested in how my husband progresses. I have spent most of our marriage doing the very things I know are detrimental to learning. I took away options, limited materials from a broad selection down to the ones I deemed “best”. I did not create an emotionally safe learning environment, a judgement-free zone, a community, a space where he had time or space to draw his own conclusions.
Since I have been in recovery from my part of our dynamic, it has been incredible to witness the epiphanies he reaches on his own when he is allowed to choose his own ways, make his own mistakes, and go at his own pace. The lessons he learns authentically seem to be much more meaningful and impactful in his journey. It may not happen in a manner, or on a timeline that is convenient for me, but when I force my way, it tends not to happen at all.
“Alateen was something I had never heard of, so I had no idea what to expect. In the meetings it didn’t take long for me to start to share my feelings. I talked, yelled, smiled, frowned, laughed, and cried. I learned in Alateen that I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know about a family member’s alcoholism. I leaned that maybe there weren’t signs I could have noticed. I also learned that denial is something everyone experiences with this disease. Most of all, I learned that Alateen is not only a place for me to share. It’s also a place for me to listen to others share. Somehow, all of us help each other. I feel I’ve learned a lot about my sister and about myself by listening to other people talk about their loved ones. It’s strange how someone we don’t know can say exactly the right thing to help us with a very personal situation.”
“Courage to Be Me - Living with Alcoholism” (p. 261)
If you’re a teenager and your life has been affected by someone else’s drinking, an Alateen meeting may be helpful for you. Find a local Alateen meeting http://qoo.ly/w9eqr. If there aren’t any meetings in your area, try an Alateen chat meeting, goo.gl/GcKwNg.
#Alateen #AlAnon #FamilyDisease #FamilyRecovery #teensupport #COA #alcoholism #addiction #12Step #AA #alcoholics #friends #alcoholic #tbt #thursdaze #fridayeve #thankfulthursday #thursdaythoughts #stressless #behappy #choosehappiness #freshstart #ODAT #newbeginnings
⭐️GET UP, SUIT UP, SHOW UP and NEVER GIVE UP⭐️.
Even though we are all so very lucky to wake up another day here on this beautiful planet and have the gift to be able to try and try again... it doesn't mean it is always easy! Life can be tough as shit and there will be days we are ready to dominate the world and those days that simply just breathing is hard and want to pull the covers over our heads. Trust me, I know! I'm constantly bouncing back and forth between the two, but what I have learned is no matter how I feel, I need to GET UP , SHOW UP and NEVER GIVE UP. ⭐️.
So, ROCKSTARS, while y'all are out there slaying dragons and climbing mountains today, be kind to each other... we are all fighting our own battles and we don't know what everyone is having to endure on this particular day, so BE THE EXAMPLE and show them, with love, how to get through one day at a time. 🌟👊🏽❤️.
#lifewarrior #unstoppable #beastlife #gratitude #bebrave #odat #loveharder #morecoffeelesstalkie #slayallday #ithinkicanithinkicanithinkican #soberissexy
“The hardest part of working the Al-Anon program for me is making the continuous effort to be honest. My husband was an alcoholic and has been dead for many years now. However, I still struggle with being honest about my feelings, about the true facts of our life together and how I contributed to our insanity. I am so good at denial. I see now that our children were hurt by my dishonesty with them about where their father had gone—usually drinking—or why he was sick—usually with a hangover. I told my parents we couldn’t visit them because of school conflicts when, in fact, he was too sick from binging for us to travel. I told his boss he couldn’t go to work because he was repairing his truck when, in truth, he was drinking. I told people at church he couldn’t come on Sunday because he had work to do. All along I told myself that I was happy, that the kids were growing up just fine, and that he’d settle down one day soon. Only in Al-Anon did I find the support I needed to look at my life honestly, to accept my failures and understand the truth. I saw denial for what it was—an excuse not to live life fully.”
“My Denial Finally Breaking,” “The Forum,” September 2018
Al-Anon provides support to anyone affected by someone else’s alcoholism. Find out more about the program at http://qoo.ly/w8r4z.
#AlAnon #Alateen #FamilyDisease #FamilyRecovery #alcoholism #addiction #myrecovery #12Step #AA #12steps #recovery #motivationmonday #mondaymotivation #stressless #recoverywarrior #takingitback #selflove #loveyourself #loveyourselfmore #loveyourselffirst #behappy #choosehappiness #freshstart #LGLG #letitgo #ODAT
It has been a tumultuous week here. What wears us out the most is trying to fight battles that we have absolutely no power to win. At times, the only thing left to do is release those battles to a power greater than ourselves. That may be God, another spiritual being, the universe, nature, intuition, or something else, depending on what we believe in. We are mere humans with limited power to effect change in the people and events around us. So when we’ve done our best, yet life’s challenges seem insurmountable, we must let go and trust that all will be well in time.
I haven’t been on social media much lately. I get a case of compare myself-itis too often, so I tend to avoid it. That, and I’ve obviously been busy turning into Wolverine! Let’s not tell anyone that it is because I can’t grow a mustache to save my life yet. I’ve been on T for 16 months now, and the changes definitely show. I still wait for people to follow up the “sir” with “sorry, ma’am” since that is what happened so often, and at times I forget that the world finally sees me as I have always seen myself. Sometimes I wonder why I waited to start this process until I was 40, but the reality is that the information, opportunity, and the bravery weren’t really there for me before. I remember being 17 and trying to find info on being trans, but let’s just be real, the card catalogue in my small city library wasn’t exactly full of what I was looking for in the early 90’s. I feel so very grateful that my family and friends have embraced my changes with open arms!! Some days are better than others, and I still struggle with mirrors and pictures. So today I decided I needed to embrace me as I am and take a couple pics. I mainly did it because I didn’t want to, and I know that I need to keep pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. Thank you all for the continued support, and for putting up with me not just on my good days, but on my not so good ones too!
#transitions #ftm #trans #queer #findinghappiness #onedayatatime #odat #stillsober