A friend recently shared with me that he sees me as completely transparent but also as a tightly closed book.
I’m really good at sharing parts of myself, but know that I hold alot back. It is not usually intentional, (although I think boundaries are healthy). But for me, this often has nothing to do with boundaries. I don’t really know how to describe why I do this.
If I share these photos as “here are some paintings I did!”, well, it is true, but I don’t feel much. Sharing has cost me nothing.
But I could also say this:
Here is a post showing the product of a ritual that I sometimes perform with a variety of goals in mind. These paintings are to me as, perhaps, crystals are to you. I see them in the same way as you may see a spell, or a talisman, or a meaningful figure. When these are around me, I feel grounded. I feel protected and safe. I can see the world more clearly, because I have put intention and energy into these with each stroke of the brush.
It feels extremely uncomfortable to share something that is so important to me; to share something that I value and that gives meaning to my life. I don’t like how I feel right now. I feel as if this is too personally revealing. I feel vulnerable and insecure, not because of any sort of lack of faith in skill; but because I’m sharing something that I care deeply about.
I don’t really have a conclusion for this post. Ask me in five years. Maybe then I’ll know more. :)
You cannot force equality; just as we cannot expect worship in our reign. “Inequality is everywhere at the bottom of faction, for in general faction arises from men's striving for what is equal.” - Aristotle