How much emotional trauma is one supposed to have and keep functioning without any real happiness?
In the past two years I've had to deal with miscarriages, my grandmothers passing, knee issues and now just mere days ago my grandfather passing aswell.
Im the backbone of the family, everyone depends on me to sort everything out when something happens within the family, and it slowly takes it's toll.
Ive had lots of practice of fake smiles and keeping things in, I'm also pretty decent at keeping my mind busy alot of the time so im not eaten up with the emotional torment that comes with loss and pain.
I know things get better, and i have no problems talking about morbidity and mortality, i know we live and at somepoint everyone dies.
I get that i really do and i accept it, i mean it is life after all.
But it's when everything is so bunched up that it feels like its never ending, and i can understand why some prematurely exit this world, because it isn't easy to get through everything.
I just feel that it doesn't matter how nice i am, how good i am, what good i do, how much i help those around me physically, emotionally and or financially and how i feel, that i dont get back what i put into life.
And i think thats what gets me the most, I'd like to think im a good person, and I'd like to think that ive earned some good karma and happiness after all of this.
To those who knew my grandfather, my love goes out to you all, and to those whom didnt know him, you missed getting to know a guy that would help anyone, heck even give them the shirt off his back or his last $5. Sure he had some bad traits and pigheaded and stubborn at times, but he did a lot of great.
73years old and a marriage that lasted a month less that 50years before grandma departed, atleast now you are pain free and can be with grandma once again.
Love ya old man.
R.i.p 02/10/45 - 17/01/19.
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