Gosh how true is this? When you build up your self confidence, you really gain sooooooo much more than the ability to reach outside your comfort zone: you’re now able to handle ANYTHING that comes at you, and you bounce back from it all faster and faster until nothing can shake you down.
Oh the shame! Deep, toxic shame. Shame was an emotion I wasn’t too familiar with. And it wasn’t a fun one to process. I suppose somewhere deep down I knew that an uncomfortable feeling called shame was eventually going to come to the surface and it would be very difficult to face. Perhaps that’s why I stayed a little bit longer than I should have. Why I didn’t want everyone else to be right. Why I wanted so badly to believe I was special - special enough to change a grown man’s unhealthy behavior and ingrained personality. Which in retrospect sounds egotistical and foolish. But maybe that’s what I was. Maybe I knew the truth all along but was too afraid to admit it and meet that uncomfortable, raw, real shame. 🤦🏼♀️
If you’re stuck here, be kind to yourself. Like, so fucking kind. Practice self-compassion. You are facing a very real, very painful, very heavy feeling. Your willingness to face it and speak to it and learn from it, is honorable. Give yourself time with it. Give yourself time to forgive yourself. And until you do, keep your distance from anyone who makes you think, for a second, that they’re saying “I told you so” in their head. (Or worse, saying it out loud.) You don’t need any more shame projected onto you. You don’t deserve it. 💛🦋