"Please, don't try to fix me. I am not broken. I have not asked for your solutions.
When you try to fix me, you unintentionally activate deep feelings of unworthiness, shame, failure, even suicidal self-doubt within me. I can't help it. I feel like I have to change to please you, transform myself just to take away your anxiety, mend myself to end your resistance to the way I am. And I know I can't do that, not on your urgent timeline anyway. You put me in an impossible bind. I feel so powerless.
I know your intentions are loving! I know you really want to help. You want to serve. You want to take away people's pain when you see it. You want to uplift, awaken, caretake, educate, inspire. You truly believe that you are a positive, compassionate, unselfish, nice, good, kind, pure, spiritual person.
But I want you to know, honestly, friend, I feel like a steaming pile of shit when you try to 'love' me in this old way. It doesn't feel loving to me at all. Quite the opposite. It feels like you're trying to relieve your own tension by controlling me. Under the guise of you being 'kind' and 'helpful' and 'spiritual', I feel suffocated, smothered, rejected, shamed, and completely unloved. I feel abandoned in your love! Do you get that? I feel like you don't actually care about ME, even though on the surface it sure looks like you care! But deep down it feels like you are holding an image of how I should be. Your image. Not mine!
It looks like your love but it feels like your violence. Do you understand?
Yet as soon as you stop trying to 'help' me, you are of the greatest help to me! I stop trying to change to please you! I feel safe, respected, seen, honoured for what I am. I can fall back into my own power. I can trust myself again, the way you are trusting me. I can relax deeply. ... continued in comments
I'm coming off my medicine again. Why? Because it was causing me to lose myself, become aggressive, it knocked down my vitamin b levels so my hair was falling and I had swollen glands and tenderness. My mind has been too foggy to write and I all in all had no idea who I was. I began to hate myself. I couldn't sleep at night. I was having more panic attacks. Since I've knocked down in doses, I feel better. I'm sleeping better and I don't wake up with anxiety attacks as often. This is completely why I gave up on medicine 7 years ago. I refused to take anything. It became a phobia. It still is. It took me 2 years to finally give in to my counselor and psychiatrist. I had anxiety and panic attacks for an entire month or 2 trying to adjust and get use to them to realize I'm not myself on this. This was my second time trying and I swear something different happened. It became my demon. My mood was all over the place. So fuck you medicine, I'm going back to natural remedies.
Last night was nothing short of Amazing ! It was such a great turn out ! The speakers were Amazing !!!! The gems that were dropped, and the genuine care you all gave my guests were just amazing ! Alhamdulilah! To do this with my sisters in Islam was the best part of it all! Just a little snippet, I kinda caught the end of the speeches because I was so tuned in lol YOU JUST HAD TO HAVE BEEN THERE! It was that deep 🙌🏾💚 More coming soon
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: (SWIPE 👈🏾) #NEDWellnessWednesday
: In honor of National Mental Health Awareness - lets tap back into our discussion about #MentalHealth
, a taboo topic in the Black community.
Mental illness can refer to a wide range of mental health conditions – disorders that affect your mood, thinking & behavior. Ex: depression, anxiety disorders, schitzophrenia, eating disorders & addictive behaviors. Many have mental health concerns, but a concern becomes an illness when ongoing symptoms cause frequent stress & affect your ability to function.
Mental illness is VERY common. About 1 in 5 adults have a mental illness and it can begin at any age, from childhood through later adult years. Mental illnesses, in general, are thought to be caused by a variety of genetic & environmental factors: *INHERITED TRAITS: certain genes may increase risk of developing a mental illness. *TRAUMATIC LIFE SITUATIONS may trigger it (financial issues, a loved one’s death, divorce or military combat) and *ENVIRONMENTAL EXPOSURES before & after birth. *SOCIO-ECONOMIC ISSUES experienced by Blacks today are linked to mental health. People who are impoverished, homeless, incarcerated or have substance abuse issues are at higher risk for poor mental health. Our people living below poverty are 3x more likely to report serious psychological distress than those who are not.
Stigma & judgment prevent Blacks from seeking treatment. Research indicates Blacks believe tha mild depression or anxiety would be considered “crazy” in their social circles. Also – many believe that discussions about mental illness would not be appropriate even among family members AND many don't have the proper healthcare to proceed.
MOST MENTAL ILLNESSES DO NOT IMPROVE ON THEIR OWN & IF UNTREATED, IT MAY GET WORSE & CAUSE SERIOUS PROBLEMS, SUCH AS SELF-HARM, HARM TO OTHERS AND EVEN DEATH. With no SURE way to prevent mental illness – take steps to control stress, to increase your (energy) and boost low self-esteem to help keep symptoms under control. Taking care of our health is important Family. Mind, Body & Soul #WeAllWeGot #EndtheStigma #NewEraDetroit #NewEraNat
really wanted to write something deep, personal, and insightful but i feel like my brain is misfiring every couple seconds and i keep rambling on about things people don’t necessarily 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 or 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 to hear about.. but i have two thoughts: ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀• thank you @destwoy777
for giving me the advice to draw during a panic attack. i can’t draw for shit but this morning i found myself standing at the bathroom counter mid-panic attack, having a full blown conversation with myself and doing my makeup. maybe that’s the creative outlet i tap into? 🎨 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ • my body and my mind are my home. both complete me. maybe one day i will be a soul without a body, and then i could live without it, but who knows. for now, i am stuck with my insides and outsides. i will not let a society tell me what to do with either of these things. i will continue to be myself, express myself, and love myself both inside and out. a company will not sell me makeup by shaming me into feeling ugly without it, and i will wear it however i feel like, in unconventional ways. if people want to stare, that’s great. it means that it caught their attention. i will not let society shame me into losing weight, my mind does that enough, and i have no time for a third party doing it. and lastly, i have a ridiculous amount of pictures on my phone. i will never let anyone shame me into feeling vain, because while i struggle with my mental health, have a shit memory, and feel like time is slipping by, i will always be able to pull up photos of what i looked like, what my loved ones looked like, and memories that i never want to forget. without them, my history would be erased, i would have nothing to look back and reflect on, and when i’m 80, if i survive that long, i know i won’t regret that. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
thank you for coming to my ted talk. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
#mentalillness #anxietyattack #panicattack #recoveryispossible #anxietydisorder #panicdisorder #creativemakeup #fauxfreckles #whiteeyeliner #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthwarrior #spiritual #mindandbody