How can we better support our loved ones and our communities?
I think many of us walk around feeling generally misunderstood and uncared for. Often feeling like our relationships are happening on a transactional level, and that others have taken from us disproportionately.
I think, too, many of us feel deeply disconnected from how we truly show up for the people we care about. And we have no idea how to ask for help ourselves, or feel that when we do, we are met with silence.
So here's a short guide on how I've been trying to better show up for people in my life. I share this with you because I know that it has been transformational in shifting my relationships and how we show up for each other.
I've stopped saying: "let me know what I can do" and begun saying:
"How can I help you this week/today?"
"What do you need right now that would relieve even a little bit of stress?" And then I DO IT.
I make offers, even if I'm not sure they will help or are what someone needs: "Can I run some errands for you?"
"Can I go pick up some food for you?"
"Can I take you to your appointment?"
"Do you need help cleaning your house?"
Or, even better, if I *know* someone needs something (and I'm capable) I will just do it.
I don't assume people want advice, a devils advocate, or for me to try to make them feel better-If I'm unsure of the emotional or mental support they want: I ask "do you want me to try to help you with this or do you just wanna talk some sh*t-because both are important and I'm here for either".
Gifts! Pick flowers, write a nice card or text about how how good they are doing and how much I love and appreciate them, make them something, bring them fresh herb clippings, make them food and take it over. Small treats and sweet words and encouragement and gratitude go a LONG way.
I no longer give with expectations. I sit with myself beforehand and ask "Have I attached expectations to my showing up here?" If I have, I explore why and try to either shift it or resolve that it's not the right way for me to show up.
I try to avoid people immediately "settling the debt" and assure them of their innate value.
Basically. "I'm fine" is just I'm fine. It can mean so much and yet if someone says they're okay, that automatically means they're okay to the person when they're just lying to you.
Happy Friday y'all! 🌈
Just wrapped up a wild, wild week (cue @badgalriri
) 😂 & I'm extremely happy to come home and have (just a bit) more time to hang w my home girl 🐶
Lots of studying to catch up on this weekend in preparation for our ENT exam Monday 👂🏼👃🏼👅 but my goal is to enjoy a glass of red wine and watch an episode of queer eye at some point bc #mentalhealth
am I right?!?! 🙈
What are your plans for the weekend?! Enjoy!!!
↗️Save this superset and try it out on your next upper body day😍💪🏼 I absolutely loved the pump from this set:
•Cable Curls x High Cable Row
New post up now! About mental health, feeling lonely, and how to reaffirm confidence in yourself, mostly leant from stuff I experienced over the last week 😁 Took this picture at around 6:30am Tuesday when myself and a crazy awesome bunch of people climbed a hill to watch the sunrise - more about that in the post though 😂 Would love to hear your thoughts on this topic x #lifestyleblogger #blogger #NZ #mentalhealth #sunrise #friendships
! 🤣🤣 Though I’m not trying to reinforce stereotypes or generalizations here, but I just thought this was a #funny
and cute quote! Have a verbally stimulating and meaningful #weekend
My description of WILD WOMAN
Being true to who i am
Not trying to make myself fit into others boxes
Not for anyone! Not my husband, my friends, parents, being a mom
I am ME
That’s all i will try to be
Some days I’m really balanced with the universe and other days i can’t even find the path
I’m wild yet domesticated
Where I’m at in life now i am truly grateful
I find tears in my eyes of pure happiness ✌🏻
Autumn has arrived. The days shorten, the air cools, the leaves fall. Autumn is a time of decay, reduction, letting go. Unlike spring, when power expands, the energy of autumn is one of contraction. The seasonal cycle ends here, letting go of the life from previous days & preparing for a new beginning
In Chinese medicine, the element of Autumn is Metal. Metal is a substance derived from the earth & generated through a process of reduction. Metal is strong, yet formable, simple, yet full of purpose
A person with a balanced metal element may feel calm, disciplined & discerning. When distorted, one may become perfectionistic, apathetic and hypocritical
The metal element is associated with the lungs. The lungs exchange air in a precise, almost effortless manner. Our body ensures automatically that we will inhale & we will exhale
Not only is breathing vital for our immediate survival, the way we breathe has a profound effect on our daily mood. In yoga, the act of focused breathing, called pranayama, is a tool to reach meditative states. The study of breathing demonstrates that a few minutes of focused inhales and exhales can shift our mind & body our of "fight or flight" mode and into a relaxed state. Here, we are able to make better decisions & judgements (discernment)
The lungs are linked to the emotions of grief & anxiety. When we experience these both, our breathing quickens & shallows. We feel the pain in our chest & tightness in our throat. Both grief & anxiety can be addressed by letting go. Let go both emotionally & physically through the act of exhalation
I've found that, when I'm experiencing anxiety, if I slow my exhale & let go of the full breath, the panic reduces
This autumn, take care of your lungs. Protect yourself from chiller days. Feed your immune system with proper vitamins and minerals. Drink warm tea. Stretch the inner muscles of the rib cage. Meditate with focused breathing. If you are experiencing grief, take this time to heal & let go
Many people choose autumn as their favorite season. I'd agree. The slow down is special. Take it in & let it go
Happy Fall, ya'll & thanks for reading
If you’ve ever struggled with body image, this post is for you 🙏🏽 https://www.messymissiesmoments.com
Is a loved one at risk of #suicide
Here are some of the signs to look for.
What are people who don’t have health insurance, don’t have money but have a mental health condition supposed to do in this country? I remember years ago when my Kaiser health plan was changing so I had to reapply, but when I did I got rejected for a pre-existing condition. After years of getting treatment through them I was just dropped and left on my own. My job didn’t have health insurance so I had to start using my credit cards to find a new doctor and pay for meds and labs out of pocket. Luckily I had good credit or I would’ve been screwed! Anyone who has a debilitating mental illness knows that life is hard enough to navigate but without health insurance it’s a nightmare! I eventually got free health insurance for being poor with kids, but what is everyone else supposed to do? I have to credit myself for being super strong and staying on top of my mental health, but many don’t have that strength. Many know that something is wrong, but they don’t know where to go or where to start. Some have been asking me for advice on where to start, but I don’t know what to tell them. I know of BetterHelp.com where you can “see” a therapist for $35-$80 a week, but besides that I don’t know what to suggest. Can any of you suggest any websites or organizations that help you find help in your area? #nohealthinsurance #mentalhealth #helpmehelpothers #healthinsurance #betterhelp #needhealthinsurance #bipolar #anxiety #ADD #depression #bipolarmeds #ourcountryisbackwards #preventativecare
To celebrate our website being launched this week, online right now you can get ANY 4 roller blends for the price of 3!! Simply use the code Wildfire1 when checking out!!
It’s almost that time of year, when I have a mental breakdown and spend $200 at Michael’s to make a “Haunted Birdhouse”
It’s looks kinda like a haunted chapel. Shout out to my married friends like Katarina. I hope you like the guitar. 🤷🏻♂️
#halloween #birdhouse #festive #mentalhealth #crafts
THIS IS NOT JUST ANOTHER POST TO LIKE AND PASS. Somewhere someone you know is hurting and for all you know time is running out. We are too fast to say ruthless things yet too hesitant and at times too indifferent to say words of kindness to the people we love. Yes, we love, we care, but if that only sits in our hearts and if we’re not able to make the person feel that, then all our love and care is in vain.
✌👽 still recovering
R)ealizing that you're worth it
E)xperiencing true happiness
C)aring about yourself
O)vercoming your own demons
V)alidating your worth
E)ating without regret
R)elapse, it's going to happen. It's inevitable and that's ok.
Y)earning to live
Do you experience stress or anxiety? Join us Nov. 15-18 and learn how to transform these difficult life energies to foster courageous and productive living. Course link in bio. .
This beautiful storm was captured at The Haven by our Expressive Arts Therapist @penny_dunlop
So, I didn’t realize we had homework due yesterday evening as I was being screened for possible admission and I reached out to my professor and told her what went on and asked if I could have an extension somehow and that I understood if I couldn’t. This was her reply. I thought she was a mean professor, turns out- she’s a nice professor. #mentalillness #mentalhealth #bipolar #bipolardisorder #endthestigma #depression
Let’s talk about Narcissists in relationships.
You may currently be in a relationship with one, you may be in the process of leaving one or you may be about to meet one.
I met a narcissist. She was a pack of ginger curls and freckles and made me feel spectacular.
Narcissist’s have a way of burrowing their way into your life, full of big gestures, declarations of love.
They fully capture you.
Then one day it stops, you’ve been cheated on and it’s your fault. Your emotions are no longer valid and you start to question everything you feel. You can never do anything right and your worthless. You’ve been told your friends are using you and they use mind games to stop you going out.
It’s fucking horrible. But you don’t realise at first, you get made to feel like you deserve this. You forget what it feels like to be calm, happy. You feel like you’re on eggshells constantly.
You’ll bring it up and you’ll be told you’re wrong, you shouldn’t feel that way.
When you finally get the strength to leave, they’ll get you. If there’s a moment of weakness, they’ll get you and drag you back to them.
If you can relate to this, I am with you. If you’re recovering from this, I am with you.
It’s hard, it’s really fucking hard. But you need to remember it’s not you. You are not the problem, people really can be that shit.
People can make you unwell with how they treat you.
I spent 3 years of my life breaking free and being reigned right back in and I am still recovering.
But there will be a light, there will be something that flips in your head and you think enough is enough.
You will never get an apology from your narcissist, not a genuine one ⚰️ You must learn to forgive them anyway to let go. You must forgive yourself, it’s not your fault 🌻.
It wasn’t all so doom and gloom.
I had a pretty chill time 17-20.
I got a new boyfriend we’ll call him P.
Hey P, I see you here 🙋🏻♀️
Old habits came back one minute I was obsessed, next minute I was breaking up with him cause I was ADAMANT he was gonna leave me. I pushed and pushed poor P until he eventually left.
I just thought I was fucking crazy😩
I started introducing myself as a psycho🦄
We’ve met up since then and we’re cute now 👊🏻 .
I made friends with a beautiful human being, again we’ll call her T. She changed everything, she healed my broken heart and she took me on some wild adventures.
She didn’t mind that I was clingy and needy, she didn’t mind about all the weird stuff I told her. She was my person.
I’ve recently heard through other BPD communities that there is a term for this person and it’s FP (favourite person) the one who consumes you and suddenly you find you can’t live without them.
T was my first FP and still one of my FP’s ❤️ .