Way back when I was 98 pounds (by choice) and my only care in the world was getting a solid tan, a good run in, #Lush
face masks, and #AmericanApparel
(RIP). Life is crazy. I never imagined that in 2 years I’d be married to my best friend and have a miracle child. While I am beyond blessed to have that, I can’t help but feel like I took life, my health, and my finances for granted around the time this picture was taken. I now have #stage2ovariancancer
and am at a weight of 89 pounds (my weight for my body type should be between 115-120lbs) and dropping with very little muscle tone that I used to be so proud of. My hair and nails are growing slower and more brittle. I had to start a gofundme because of my best friend needing to stay home from work to help with our child. I look at this picture and feel shame at the naïve and ignorant person I was. This isn’t a post to make you feel sorry for me, it’s a post to let you know to never take your health for granted and try not to be too stubborn to get help if you feel (or know) something isn’t right. I have a long, painful journey ahead of me due to my stubbornness to remove a malignant tumor that could’ve been caught early, and although I am young and will survive this I have that long journey to get to a place of limited drama not just for me but for my family. I just want to wake up at 5am and feel that excitement for life again, I want to be able to lift my daughter without feeling like I’m going to vomit from pain. Life throws these obstacles at you to teach you a lesson, I know. I guess I just thought I’d learned quite enough lessons. I’m writing this sitting by a toilet, waiting for nausea to pass or come up, missing my baby girl so much who has to spend the night at her grandmas because I’m too sick to take care of her today. Shit sucks. Anyways, sorry for the sob story. I use my gram as a diary, sue me. Stay positive and grateful, and please never let your pride get in the way of your mental and physical health. #somedaysarebetterthanothers
Huge random thank you to @jeffreestar
for your amazing energy and gift of making the most miserable chick on Instagram laugh. Thanks diva.