I went to my first sports banquet in a Chicago White Sox jersey with a backwards ball cap and a skirt. I thought I looked hella cute and thought, for a sports banquet, this outfit was perfect. Much to my surprise, all the other girls where wearing feminine dresses and heels. ( I was the new girl in a small town) I still felt confident and walked the stage with pride accepting my awards. I never thought anyone would think twice about what I wore. But, when I got home, I was met with anger and embarrassment from my stepdad. I was told "if you want to dress like a boy then I'll treat you like one." Then I was made to push mow half an acre in the summer heat. I sweat my ass off, ran out of gas and refilled and that half acre looked perfect. The funny thing is my brothers always used the riding mower. The manual labor was used to make a point. I felt punished for being myself. (I hold nothing against my stepdad) No I was never well-dressed. I never quite understood or cared for fashion. It was jeans and a tshirt 98% of the time or a sports uniform, and I cleaned up really nice for prom and homecoming. I mean, my favorite outfit was camo pants and an Itchy and Scratchy Tshirt. I still struggle when I go out, have a big event, or even everyday going to work with being comfortable just being myself. I want to dress feminine and sexy to fit my curves, but I've been harrassed for wearing clothes that fit close to my body. Then again, I've been made fun of for wearing clothes that are too baggy.
Now, I know it's a little early, but my New Year's resolution is to figure out who I am again, to become the person I was before I even considered what anyone else might think about me. I want that freedom back and I want my kids to see me being my 100% authentic self. I'm so lucky to have a partner in life that loves every part of me, and accepts me without pause. Cheers to a new year and cheers to discovering the old me. #change #growth #authentic #trueself #selflove #selfcare #discover #learn #exist #justbe #doyou #dothework #healthylife #happylife #longerlife #journey #tomboy #athlete #passion #acceptance #natural #naturalself #unscensored #newyear #newyearsresolution