I feel as if I'm running toward a cliff, and beyond the cliff, there's fog. Barely distinguishable through the fog, I can see another ledge that goes on to rise higher than where I am now, but I can't tell how far from the cliff it is. All I know is if I don't jump at just the right time, I won't make it to the other side. I don't know how far the fall is, or if there's anything to grab onto on the way down to stop myself. But if I make the jump and reach the other ledge, I'll climb higher than ever before.
I put my two weeks into my children's museum job on Friday. That job is one of the three main reasons I'm at the point I am today, with Sidewalk Science Center, with videos, with conferences, with the project I'm working on right now that could essentially turn my life around forever. I'm not leaving because I don't like it - I absolutely love it and leaving is painful. I'm leaving out of financial necessity, and moving full-time to my other job at the candy shop, because bills need to be paid and Ive reached the point of being unable to without a secure full-time job at the museum.
But that's just the point, isn't it? I can't leave, then let my world come crumbling down around me. I need to use this to propel myself into that jump off the cliff. Use it as the wind at my back to reach the ledge so I can climb higher. I've worked so fucking hard in the past seven months. Past me wouldn't even recognize who I am now. Past me didn't have the drive and determination and willpower to go the lengths I have in the past seven months to reach what I'm about to do.
I *am* terrified. Because what I'm about to do pretty much needs to work on the first try. I can only trust that I've laid enough of a foundation and gotten strong enough of a running start to accomplish this. In 11 days, I'll need to throw myself as far and as high across the gap as I can. Even if I fall, I need to find that handhold, lock myself into place, whisper "no fear".... And climb.
#life #motivation #workhard #hardwork #inspiration #keepgoing #doyourbest #keeponkeepingon #tryyourbest #succeed #trustyourself