I’ve had a challenging week, sometimes you just have weeks when you feel like you’re hitting rock bottom. I had that last night when trying to spin too many plates caught up with me, and it really hits you when your inability to juggle so many things means you end up dropping something which means you end up unwittingly letting other people down in a big way.
So last night I bottomed out, took a long hard look at things, and this morning I felt brighter, like I was coming out fighting. A realisation that I can’t do everything on my own, and asking a couple of people for help with things, is like a weight off my shoulders.
’s post this morning reinforced to me that I was right to ask for help with things. So I did what I often do for a lift, bought a couple of books.
I’ve been wanting to read @mattzhaig
’s books for ages. I also got round to buying @feathering_the_empty_nest
’s book #askmehisname
. I’ve agonised for quite a while about whether to buy it. When I’m feeling down, I compound it (I know I do this) by comparing myself to others - is someone doing more? Are they handling their grief better? The list is endless. Elle is always such an incredibly positive and inspiring figure, so when I’m feeling down, that sort of comparison can beat me down. But today (fighting back, remember) I realised that life isn’t a competition, and grief CERTAINLY isn’t a competition. We all just find our own courses. And that’s okay! So I’m really looking forward to reading Elle and Teddy’s story.
So as well as the books I got today, I also did what I always do when I’m fighting back, I bought myself a new notebook (life is too short for boring notebooks) and made lists for the different aspects of my life. I love a good list!
Yesterday I watched @challengesophie
’s Ted talk, which I always find inspiring, and her slogan, “You’ve got one life, live it” really helped to lift my dark clouds.
I realised that I’ve seen what REAL rock bottom looks like. I’ve stared into the abyss. I’ve said a final goodbye to my son. When I’m doubting myself, I need to remember that if I can survive that, I can survive anything. But I don’t have to do it alone. And that’s okay!