I couldn't move. Something or someone was outside of my tent, but I couldn't move or yell. I was only able to stare up at my tent terrified and paralyzed. At first I thought I was dreaming, but then fear engulfed my mind and body. I was unable to move or talk. I was entombed in my body but was awake and could feel everything and see everything and hear everything. The worst part...I felt like someone was standing outside my tent breathing heavily and looking down at me. I was paralyzed. I tried to scream HEY HEY HEY HELP ME over and over and over again in my mind. I tried to move my hands and my feet but failed. I tried to scream again but nothing came out. “Please Megan please wake up if this is a dream please wake up. If this isn't a dream, please move your foot. Please scream.” I can't tell you how long this episode lasted but my body finally let me go and the minute it did I screamed HEY. I got out of my tent but nothing was there. Sleep paralysis is a real thing and it’s terrifying. #herlifeoutside #throwback
#lakepowell #camping #beachcamping #sleepparalysis #beachviews #lakelife #tentview #writersofinstagram #optoutside #adventuretime #travel #wanderlust #takemeback #girlswhoadventure #lakeview #iwokeuplikethis #sunrise
I’ve been the “other woman” twice in my life. Once knowingly. Once unknowingly. I can make up a million excuses for the time I knowingly slept with a man who had a girlfriend like: I didn’t know at first. I was young. I was insecure. I was manipulated- he would always say “but you’re the only one I’d cheat on my girlfriend with” like that was some kind of compliment. These are all just excuses. It was wrong. What I did was wrong. I don’t know if I’ve ever truly forgiven myself for it, but I know I have to because I’m not that woman anymore. The other time, I didn’t know. I didn’t know she was in his life and when I did find out, I should’ve ended it there and then (so I knowingly continued and no excuses, but it was a weird and confusing situation - I was in another country and these ARE excuses 😔). It felt awful knowing I was the “other woman” again. I told myself THAT would never happen again because I respect myself and other women, but I was there in the room feeling defeated and angry at myself. I should never have trusted what he said. I found out because of a stick - an incredibly romantic gesture from him to her. I should’ve taken the van and left. I should’ve reached out and apologized- or maybe not, I just don’t know. If I would’ve known, I would NEVER have let it get that far. I would never have gone. I would’ve handled the situation differently. I wouldn’t have been so selfish. I just want you to know, you were in my mind the rest of the trip. My heart broke when I found out not just for me, but for you because I can’t imagine what it must have felt like. I felt terrible, absolutely terrible, but my actions I’m sure didn’t show that hurt. I only wish the best for you and him and I hope you can forgive me. I know these two beautiful women will never see this (or maybe they will), but I wish I could look them both in the eyes and tell them how sorry I am. You didn’t deserve it, nobody does! I’m sorry if my actions hurt you in any way. I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry. These words truly moved me and I thank you. “Sometimes you have to look at things from a different point of view. Look at the woman on the other side and try to picture what she is seeing.”
I scroll through a crowd of people I don’t know.
Through a screen in my hands like a tiny MTV show.
I never thought I’d be a digital peeping Tom, but who isn’t when it’s so easy?
Just a picture can easily please me.
There’s a hole in the screen where your followers can watch your scene...
A role. A scene.
Turn it on. Turn it off.
You’re just playing a part.
Let them look. I want your eyes. I want your likes and your follows.
You’re narcissistic. You’re egotistical.
You’re a liar. You’re a fake. You’re a fraud. Fuck this sounds sound cynical.
Nahhh I’m just Megan doing me. Living my life for fuck’s sake.
Don’t take this so serious. Life is too short.
Whoa, I’m fucking delirious.
Looking up words that rhyme on Google so I sound smart, put together and sublime
Yikes, not sure that worked or made any sense, but fuck it
I’ll blame it on my schooling and society and celebrities and shit
I’ll never blame myself and my lack of motivation because we’re all so fragile and lack any objurgation
Don’t know that word? Neither do I. This Google thing seriously saves lives.
But I’m not hating on this little application. I really like it... my one true sedation.
#herlifeoutside #writersofinstagram #write #poem #camping #colorado #campcolorado #hike #backpacking #mountains #themountainsarecalling #wanderlust #travel #girlswhotravel #optoutside #adventuretime
Au Revoir Felipe.
Dating is weird.
Mine occasionally start like this. A DM slide and conversation. Meet up. Laugh. Have a good time. Hang out again. BUT this time, I wasn’t feeling it. He was nice, but he didn’t make me laugh. Hell, I can make myself laugh all day long - it’s easy to make me laugh, but this dude was boring, dull and just a white piece of burnt toast. BUT I gave him a chance. Why? Because I thought I was being too picky and it was unfair. SO yeah, I gave this guy a chance and he did a few things that made me sad like bailing last minute and not making an effort to see me. So I was honest which he didn’t like and then he HE ends it. Wait wait wait! I wasn’t even 100% interested, but was giving it a solid try. Hell, his name was “boring guy” in my phone!! And HE ENDS IT?! Hahah never again! If a man can’t make me laugh it’s a hard PASS and Au Revoir Felipe! You know it’s over when he unfollows you 💁🏼♀️hahaha! Instagram dating is so funny! Wish ya luck buddy and hope you find what you’re looking for... a burnt piece of wheat bread perhaps? But I’m perfectly toasted Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted Whole Grain Piece of bread smothered in avocado, tomatoes and sriracha sauce! #avocadotoast #herlifeoutside #datinglife #datingonthegram #datinginyour30s #dating #makemelaugh #colorado #vailcolorado #selfie #selfies #blondehair #sassy #datinggames #writersofinstagram #writer #wanderlust #iwastoomuchforhim
A little #funfact
1. This was taken in Australia back in April. That trip was an awesome experience and I learned a lot about myself! It was also a bit heartbreaking. Everything happens for a reason!
2. I built a snowman out of sand so I guess it would be a sandman.
3. I’m from New York (Long Island) originally and moved to Colorado when I was 7.
4. I was a little beach baby and #jonesbeach
was my local beach.
5. My dad owned a boat and sold it before moving to Colorado. I will forever love boats!
6. When we moved here, my parents got my sister and I on skis immediately.
7. Copper was OUR mountain and I still know it like the back of my hand.
8. I learned to snowboard at 13 and have only been on skis once since.
9. I love the ocean just as much as the mountains, and maybe one day I’ll live close to an ocean and beach babe it up again (I’ll never stop snowboarding though...ever!!)
10. Tasting the salt on my lips and skin (yes, I’ll legit lick my arms after swimming in the ocean) is one of my favorite things ever.
#australia #beach #ocean #noosa #sand #sandman #gettoknowme #travelaustralia #wanderlust #travel #girlswhotravel #peacelovewanderlust #herlifeoutside #optoutside #adventuretime #travelling #traveller #wanderlist
I can tell you one thing, the negative self-talk does NOT help in any situation! I did my first overnight backpacking adventure this weekend and here are just a few of the things I said to myself...
- You’re so out of shape.
- Why can’t you hike faster.
- You’re always the last one. No one will ever want to invite you again.
- Everyone always has to wait for you, that’s just humiliating!
- If you weren’t so fat, you’d be able to hike this no problem.
- You’re just not cut out for this kind of stuff.
- I’m never doing this again.
- I want to just turn around and go home... I just want to quit.
- Why are you so weak?
- You’re just too fat.
- You can’t do this so why even try?
Pretty awful stuff, huh? It wasn’t enough that every single part of my body hurt, but I was abusing myself mentally every step of the way making each step worse than the last. It was a constant. It was sad. AND at the end of the trip, I was angry at myself more than I was proud. There were moments where I praised myself and I had a good time, but for the most part, I felt defeated and ashamed. All my friends were so supportive and I’m beyond grateful for that! I have a lot of work to do with loving myself in any situation especially the difficult and challenging ones. I love who I am and today, I look back and think “damn, you did that! Your body did that!” And I’m proud today, but I want to be proud in the moment. I want to love myself in the moment. I’m aware of this and that’s the first step, right? #herlifeoutside #realrawvulnerableme
#summit #summitcounty #backpack #hiking #hikecolorado #girlswhohike #mountains #colorado #optoutside #camping #adventuretime #bodypositive #postivemindpositivelife #wildandweightless #wanderlust #explore #girlsinthewild #amongthewild #getoutside #themountainsarecalling #alpenglow #fall #autumn #leafpeeping #backpacking #mountainvibez #latergram
First overnight backpacking adventure in the books. Few things I’ve learned...
1. You absolutely need the lightweight tent and sleeping bag and [insert gear thing here] If you don’t, you’ll be carrying a very heavy backpack and you’ll want to cry every time you have to put it back on.
2. Always go with good people and have a friend like @ains_mustlovedogz.7
who will stick it out with you and be okay going slow AF! and friends like @littleindiangirlpiper
who will encourage you the whole way and a friend like @wyojennyp
who is just the most amazing human with all the outdoor knowledge you can ask for! And @rachgall
who can make photos like this happen and make you laugh till your stomach hurts!
3. Wear chapstick...
4. Hiking poles are so amazing and can save you from falling (multiple times)! Why has it taken me so long to use them?!
5. Even if it’s cold af outside at 3 a.m. and you have to use the bathroom...don’t hold your pee in because it makes you colder. PS it’s ok to piss on your own shoes, just don’t bring them back in your tent 🤦🏼♀️
6. If all the things hurt (hips, back, shoulders, ankle and feet etc) it’s actually better because then you don’t have to focus on the ONE thing that hurts.
7. Be proud of your accomplishment! It doesn’t matter how many miles you hike (we hiked 11 hah!) Just be proud of yourself for getting outside!
#summit #summitcounty #backpack #hiking #hikecolorado #girlswhohike #mountains #colorado #optoutside #camping #adventuretime #herlifeoutside #wanderlust #explore #girlsinthewild #amongthewild #getoutside #themountainsarecalling #alpenglow #fall #autumn #leafpeeping
Questions I’ve been asking myself lately...
Why did you start this account Meg?
• I wanted to share my thoughts about things and stuff and just try to relate to other women?
What kinds of things and stuff?
• About my insecurities. What goes on in my brain - because my brain is pretty amazing, hilarious and kinda fucked up in a good way. About how or why I did or didn’t do something?
Why haven’t you written any new blogs?
• Gahhh brain I knew you were going to ask that. Because I have writers block? Because I haven’t been adventuring as much thus I’m lacking stories to tell? My pictures are lame? I just don’t have the time? (loads of excuses eh?)
Why all the excuses?
• Fuck! Because I’m scared alright!
Scared of what?
• What people will think...
• Fuck, I don’t know. I don’t want people thinking badly about me? I don’t think my writing is actually good.
Well, that’s silly. You’re an amazing person with stories to share. Maybe some people can relate and others can’t. Who cares. Just be you babe! You’re pretty cool and funny and kind and gahhhh Megan you’re now just fishing for compliments, but that’s ok. I could go on if you’d like?
• Shucks ☺️ thanks! Nahhhh I hear you Little voice in my brain. I hear you! Thanks you spongy Little thing! Appreciate ya! Stay safe in that noggin of mine!
Great! Glad we had this chat. So whenever you’re ready, I’m ready with thoughts and stories for ya. I just need you to ya know, use those little fingers to type/write it all out because I’m just a mushy grey matter made up of about 100 billion neurons 🤷🏼♀️ #neuronproblems #herlifeoutside
#hike #hikecolorado #vail #vailcolorado #optoutside #adventure #girlsoutside #colorado
hiking #girlswhohike #wanderlust #mountaingal #travel #bodypositive #chaseyourdreams #trusttheuniverse #trusttheprocess #determined #optoutside #womenempowerment #bethechange #mountains #takeahike #writersofinstagram #write #writerscommunity
Struggling to stay motivated. Struggling to prioritize. Struggling to focus. Struggling to stay present. Just struggling and that’s OK. It’s ok to not have your shit together. It’s ok to feel lost. It’s ok to feel detached. I’m learning how to get out of these funks and stay out of them longer. It’s a process and at this exact moment I feel like it’s just so much easier to dwell in this self-pity. It feels easier to just NOT do anything about it. I know what I have to do but FUUUCccckkk...I just don’t want to. I’ll get out of this funk. I will. But right now I just want to sit in my car and fade away from everything. I just want to pretend all that’s around me doesn’t exist. I just want to sweep my problems under the rug. Hah! But I do exist and those problems are going to be there until I solve them. I know this! I know all of this. All I can say is “I love you Megan and it’s ok to feel this way, but you have to let it go and work. You will get what you want just work. Allow these feelings, but don’t let them take over!” #herlifeoutside
#SUPyoga #yoga #headstand #lakelife #standuppaddleboard #sup #lake #chatfieldstatepark #gravelponds #practice #fitlife #paddleboarding #paddleboardyoga #colorado #herlifeoutside #girlsonboards #postivevibesonly #paddleboardheadstand
This picture pretty much sums up how I've been feeling lately. I’m in a beautiful spot and I’m present, but I feel a little lost even though I have a map and know where I'm going and I feel a little scared because I'm going at it alone, but deep down I am excited! Have you ever had one of those days (weeks) where you're just riddled with self-doubt? Like you know you're going in the right direction and you're finally listening to the universe, but you question your path? Things like, I can't do this. I'm not qualified. What do I know?! How are you even going to do this?! Why are you even doing this?! You need to get your shit together before you can actually do this! just flood your brain?! Ahhhh Like I just want to tell my brain to shut the fuck up and ninja kick it in the face.... hmmm I guess that means I want to ninja kick my own face? I realize I need to allow these feelings to live in my brain, but not give them attention (really I just need to do a bit more of that self love stuff). They’re there to push me and test me - can you move past this and actually continue on your path to fulfill a dream? YES, yes I can and I will and you silly little negative insecure thoughts can just go take a hike because you’re not going to break my spirit! Easier said then done, but dammit, I am going to charge on! There was a meme I saw today that read "there are people less qualified than you, doing the things you want to do, simply because they decide to believe in themselves. Period." And if that isn't the truest thing ever and the biggest sign from the universe today. #herlifeoutside
#hiking #girlswhohike #wanderlust #colorado #mountaingal #travel #bodypositive #chaseyourdreams #trusttheuniverse #trusttheprocess #determined #optoutside #womenempowerment #bethechange #mountains #takeahike
When I got home from Australia, my world went into a downward spiral. I went from feeling this travel high and having an incredible experience to being smacked in the face with reality and truths I didn't want to hear. I questioned everything and everyone; the decisions I was making and the direction of my life. I questioned my intuition, my trust in others and myself. I questioned who I really was and why I do/did the things I do/did. I took some time off from social media to step away from the FOMO I was experiencing and the need for validation - I didn't think I felt, but I did. I took some time to just reset and figure out why I was feeling this way. I realize now that I need to let go of the anger and disappointment and forgive. I need to let go of the constant fear of being let down. I need to let go of past experiences - I am not that human anymore and I need to stop beating myself up for things I once did. I need to only surround myself with people who will add value and will lift me. I need to only surround myself with people who are honest and kind. No matter what, I will always be a trusting and honest human being with kindness and love in my heart. I will always be open. I will always believe in true love. I will always believe that everything happens for a reason. I will always believe that I am good enough and deserve the very best in all relationships. I'm in a really good place in my life at this very moment, but I know there are always going to be ups and downs, but it's how I react and what I learn from those ups and downs that matter. I am learning to let go and move on. I am learning to embrace my flaws and encourage my passions. I am learning to truly trust in the universe and manifest my dreams! I have an exciting project I am working on and I can't wait to share it with you! "Where focus goes, energy flows." #herlifeoutside #wanderlust #travel #girlslovetravel #girlswhotravel #australia #positivevibes #trusttheuniverse #capehillsboroughnationalpark #explore
Story behind this picture... My sister, boyfriend at the time and good friend were all traveling back to Paris from Pamplona, Spain in my boyfriends small air condition-less car in July... it was HOT! We’d just finished celebrating the San Fermin festival (running of the bulls)which is still one of my all-time favorite adventures! We wanted to make a pit-stop in Andorra (a principality in the Pyrenees mountains between France and Spain) to break up the long drive, but instead of the principality, our GPS took us to ‘Andorra’ Spain (I think we spelled it wrong and just didn’t check where we were going) which was a small town with nothing around for miles! It felt like one of those horror movie towns haha! I took this picture while I was in the car waiting for my sister and friend to get back from going to the restroom at the gas station we stopped at. We were five hours away from the real Andorra! We did end up making it, but it was so late, we only had time to eat dinner there. We had a really long drive back so decided to start the drive that night. We made it about four hours until we were all too tired to keep going. We pulled off at a truck stop where we slept outside on the grass in like the median area. It was an amazing time! Gahhh I love those types of moments where things don’t necessarily go as planned, but you enjoy where you are and who you’re with so you laugh it off and just BE. I love that I can be brought back to all those moments just by looking at this simple picture! I love how our brains can do such incredible things like that! #takemeback #wanderlust #travel #photography #herlifeoutside #wander #getlost #girlswhotravel #girlslovetravel #wanderlustlife #goals #canon #canonphotography #canon40d #shewasborntotravel #peacelovewanderlust
//The peace I have now,
was worth everything I lost.// ❄️
This is what 31 and single looks like. A few people in my life have said...” Megan, it’s not safe to go on hikes alone. It’s not safe to travel alone. You should go with someone. You should bring a guy with you.” So you’re telling me, I need not do the things I love because I don’t have someone to do them with? Nope. Never going to happen. I’m smart. I’m strong and I’m more than capable of doing these adventures SAFE and solo. When I do find the right guy, he better be able to keep up because I’m never going to stop! #soloadventures #herlifeoutside
It's that one little pill that makes the clutter and chaos finally stand still. That one little pill that brings you down from the clouds where your mind has been, filling your thoughts... damn it gets loud. It's crowded up there in that space. I'm a dreamer they say, I say. I'm a dreamer with dreams dreamt and lived. A dreamer with unfinished projects, artwork, books, thoughts. A dreamer who focuses on one thing, then another then another without finishing the unfinished work. My mind can be a trap sometimes in a constant state of dreams with no focus with no direction. "I have this great idea let me tell you, I dream of doing..." is a constant conversation I have with myself and my loved ones. It's one more dream. One more dream dreamt but no movement. Dreams to me are like pennies, I have them, but most are useless. They just live in my space making it crowded. I'm suffocating. I'm trapped in my dreams. But that pill, the pill clears these dreams and allows me to focus on... on a life I'm living... a life I'm living that isn't a dream. Take me back up to the clouds where my dreams roam freely. I rather be trapped in dreams than lost in reality. #herlifeoutside #attentiondeficitdisorder #ADD #realrawvulnerableme #mytruths
I'm a slow hiker. I like to look at all that is around me. If I don't need to be on the top of a mountain by a specific time, I take my time. I also take my time because I'm not in the best shape and I need to stop and rest and drink water. Occasionally I get embarrassed by this slow hike speed. I never want to hold up those I'm with or it be an obligation for them to wait - so I tell them just to go. I can hike by myself just fine and set a pace that is doable for me and my body. My body will thank me later even if my mind try's to fight me and say "you're too slow. You're not fast enough. You shouldn't even hike if you can't keep up" but I just tell her to be quiet and let me do what I know is best for my mind and my body for an enjoyably and safe hike. You don't have to keep up with those who are faster and those that are faster do not have to wait for people like me. We just need to enjoy the hike the way we want. Nature gets that, that is why she has so many different views! #herlifeoutside
My anxiety can be bearable at times, but today it was unbearable. Or not just today, but all weekend. I wanted to get out of the house and do something, but I was trapped in my mind. I was trapped behind "you're not pretty enough, skinny enough, worthy enough or good enough" I was trapped in by a scared liar. I was trapped in by myself. I don't hate her(me) for it I just need to learn how to challenge it- challenge her and win. Her life belongs outside. #herlifeoutside #mentalhealth #anxietycantstopme #wildandweightless #sheexplores #snowboarding #writeaboutit #snowboard
Remember when I said I was terrified of Heights? Well, I'd just finished the whole zip-lining course feeling amazing and my fear didn't affect me at all until this moment...It was the last obstacle and I was to free-fall 30ft down and then after the break would catch, you then lower slowly & softly - the catch, you had to fall backwards. I watched my mom do it and as she got strapped in I slowly bent my knees and went to the floor grabbing at the tower boards. I was laughing and my family and friends were laughing, but this laughter was a mask of the fear I was feeling. I was shaking and wanted to cry but held it in. I watched everyone else do it before me. I was last. The instructor told me to just look at him and I did, but when I went off the ledge my stomach dropped and I let out a HOLY SHIT. I didn't stop shaking for another 20 minutes after my feet hit the ground. That feeling of letting go is the true fear I found. Losing all control and just doing something that makes you scared changes so much about you. It's not a fear of heights it's a trust within my self that I will know the right moments to let go and the know the right moments to stay grounded. It makes me get out of my comfort zone and relinquishes the control I have over everything. Just let go Meg. Just let go. #herlifeoutside #neverletfearstopyou
#colorado #ziplining #canyoncity #adventuretime #adventurealways #betruetoyou #pushyourself #adrenalinjunkie #forceofnature #limitless #relinguishcontrol #trysomethingnew #dowhatscaresyou
I had a freak out moment(s) today. I freaked out that I have to go back to work tomorrow and all I want to do is travel. I freaked out that I'm single. I freaked out that I live at home still. I freaked out that, although I dig my job I'm missing out on my passion and a career I'm in love with, but what is it?! I freaked out that I haven't done enough at 31 and that I don't know enough at 31. I freaked out that I'm not smart enough, pretty enough or skinny enough. I just freaked out. Anxiety is a real thing. Self doubt is a real thing. Depression and mental illnesses are real things. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I said 5 positive things about myself and forced a smile! It brought me back down; I became present again. It's ok. It's all ok. It's ok to feel these things. A therapist once told me "let those thoughts come in and let them out; don't allow the negative anxiety ridden debilitating thoughts stay. Those thoughts don't own you nor do they define you." I'm so proud of all that I've done in my life. All of these thoughts are real, but I'm so much more! #herlifeoutside #wildandweightless
#forceofnature #goprohero5 #goproselfie #optoutside #zion #zionnationalpark #utah #exploremore #hike #camp #hikeutah #wanderlust #travel
I've always been worried about my age: am I too old to do "x"? am I too old to start over? am I too old to change? I learned the answer to these questions... HELL NO! I started to realize that my age should never hold me back from trying something new or be an excuse! I love my adventurous spirit and will continue to explore and be my authentic self no matter how old I get! I turned 31 yesterday and feel so alive being in a new place and experiencing all the wonders this universe has to offer! #herlifeoutside #forceofnature
#zionnationalpark #zion #thenarrows #hike #adventure #explore #wanderlust #travel #optoutside #utah #hikeutah