The night I went to the carnival, I saw multiple rock bands with young people perform. My heart was just bursting with excitement. I have been listening to lot of rock music. I swear heartbreak makes you love rock music. But yeah that night I realized I want to be a performer. Ughh I wish if I know people so I can create a band. And now Netflix play Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and I got to listen my fav song Black Sheep by the Metric. I fucking love that movie.!I even learned how to play the song on my ukulele. I didn’t have a guitar lol. But ughh yeah! I want to perform one day. I want to express this aggression I have inside in such a creative way that it touched the soul. I want to be an excitement for all those heartbroken and lost.
I went to a carnival and i discovered a band. And they had a cute drummer. I walked away form the spot and went back and the drummer was literally just a couple inches away from me. He saw me and we glanced at each other from time to time. I wanted to talk to him but I felt so insecure. I wanted to asked him about his band and at least get to know his name. I felt cute that night so I was like ok imma go talk him. Then I was like what if he can’t understand when I speak cause of my accent. What if I don’t know how to reply. I don’t know any rock bands and what if he thinks I am uncool. Yo I swear insecurities sucks. But I’d like to think he got bummed out we didn’t get to talk.
There is a saying that history repeats itself. Funny how time works. Someone recently asked me when was the time I felt most betrayed. I answer about a story about someone bringing me to an event and kissing his girl in front of me and leaving me. Then I went home crying cause i felt so betrayed cause I didn’t even know they were together and I thought he liked me. My feeling was so hurt. It’s funny cause a couple days after answering the same shit happened. The same person just drop me like all our history doesn’t mattered for that same person. I should have known long ago. Now I feel like such a rebound. I remember he acted like her friend but when she said she miss him he acts so excited. When I would tell him I missed him he doesn’t even react. Idk why it took me so long to realized how insignificant I was to him.