October 31st: 1/2 a decade. 5 years. 60 months. 1,825 days. 43,800 hours. 2,628,000 minutes. 157,680,000 seconds. How long it's been since we lost Matt.
It's truly mind boggling to think how long it's been... One moment it seems like it just happened yesterday, while other moments feel like it's been an eternity. I still don't have the proper words or know how to physically explain the feeling I had and usually still have... His death tore our family apart, broke us and ripped us down to our core. It took every thing we took as 'normal', knocked us down so hard that we didn't know if we would ever be able to get back up again, all while destroying our family, simply because we're not whole anymore.
Nowadays, not many people talk about Matt. It seems as if they don't care that he's gone or simply just don't remember him (among countless other thoughts that continuously run through our minds). Trust me when I say this: We want you to bring him up. We want you to talk about him. We want you to tell us the good times and memories you have of him. We want to know that you still remember him, that you miss him, love him, wishing he was still here, just like us.
The saying is true. "It gets easier with time". I completely believe that. Yes, it's easier, but the trauma, pain, flashbacks... they're all still there. It's just... different. And no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard my family tries... There's just no way to form any sort of coherent thought process and explain to you exactly how we feel on a daily basis... If you've been in a situation like us, which I know that there's way too many people that have been, only just then will you'll understand what I'm talking about.
Every year on Halloween, we go visit Matt and have Shelby tag along. This year was no different. We had a lovely evening there spending time with Matt like we always do. It's just so calm and peaceful there. The best place to go to calm yourself and collect your thoughts is a cemetery. And after we left, we handed out Halloween candy for the 2nd year.
October 31st, 2018.