Trying to see the #light
at the end of the #tunnel
☀️ Hey guys! I'm sorry I was MIA.
It happens to me when I get shit news. Things come crashing down. Like oceanic waves. Like a pack of crushed confetti. And I get a bit lost.
Last time I got such news was 4 years ago when I was diagnosed with cancer. It was an extremely trying time. But I thought it was graceful to not talk about it in public. Also because I wanted to respect my Indian fam's feelings - sharing may have meant them dealing with unwanted questions. (some of us Indians can get a bit nosy and insensitive without being too helpful, especially when it comes to health #gossipqueens
😅). It was a lonely time, for me and my hubs. My sweet friends were with us but I hardly spoke to any of them on how terrible I was feeling inside, on the days that I was. I think everyone saw me as I tried to feel - happy, full of joy with no complaints. I truly felt that when I could. But there were dark, foggy, painful days. And I didn't want to burden anyone by opening up my dark gray world. There were days where I could hardly get out of bed to reach for water. And my brain was going fuzzy because of the meds. I could hardly read more than a page. Or walk. And I had to deal with all the appointments, admin, insurance and the madness.
But slowly and surely, I made some progress, took online courses, learnt new stuff from my bed, tried gyming 😉 and met amazing people and my old friends when I could head out! My hubby and work had been super supportive.
I was told everything was under control with my treatment, we holidayed and I thought of starting my own firm but I got diagnosed again. (last time I was diagnosed again was because I was mis-diagnosed the first time at a top notch hospital - more on that later). People may think it's probably not that different each time. But it is. It gets worse. Each time, is a clock ticking faster. But each time you keep fighting. Not giving up.
This time I thought I wanted to be graceful not by concealing grief but by sharing. So friends will reach me when I'm not particularly social. So anyone out there struggling could feel okay to reach out.