She said, "it's different now..." My core shook, and my dry lips uttered every word I could muster to convince her otherwise.
For months, I couldnt understand it. I tried to piece it all together. Relentless failed efforts... like an infant learning that you can't put a square peg into a round hole.
I stood in many dark doorways, terrified to walk those dimly lit passages in search of how to let it be... ..only to find out, she was right.
Stripped, and for the second time in my life, I would be broken down to nothing and rebuilt.
This time, I understood it. This time, I decided how to best fit these pieces back together.
No longer would I allow the shadow of myself to convince me I was unworthy.
The ego is a fragile thing...like the old China your grandparents never wanted you to take out of the cupboard. It loathes and regrets its failures, instead of trying, learning.
Silence that shit.
Draw outside your lines.
It's okay to love, to be loved, to feel shit, to know what you're fucking capable of and follow through, to be honest with yourself and others.
That's the fucking ticket, man.
This new place is one of appreciation, humility, honor, and trust. It's a place of purpose that transcends all the bullshit human limiting thoughts and beliefs.
This is a place achieved through blacked out suns and storms. Nightmares that turn into sleepless nights, and back into early mornings. Its achieved through integrity and honor of self that can only be built from within.
Do I still exist here in human form? Well, yea, dummy. Of course I do. Will I still trip and fall? I will, but I'll get up on my fucking own and if I need help, i'll ask. Will I judge it? No more. Will I serve humanity more than ever before? I fucking hope so.
Will I ever see things the same again?
Not a fucking chance.
#foxhounddevelopments #unfuckyourself #nomadchapter #stokeordie
#namaslay #liveamericanyogi #onnit #fullsendability #human #optimization #noexcuses #leavenodoubt #healthylife #thehappynow #thelongroadhome #bemorehuman #killthequit #alphahippietribe #iam #ican #iwill #asbelowsoabove