> breakfast <
Cette nuit j’ai encore très mal dormi, j’ai du m’endormir vers 00h30 pour me réveiller à 6h... ça fait environ une semaine que je dors mal et ça commence à devenir assez chiant 😓 je pense que c’est le stress du au Bac Blanc qui arrive. Même si je ne stress pas la journée je pense que ça se répercute sur mon sommeil 👍
Sinon ce matin je me suis régalée, le beurre de cacahuète c’est tout ma vie 😍 (triste vie dans ce cas là 😂)
▪️beurre de cacahuète
▪️yaourt au lait de chèvre
Ce matin je vais faire un peu de sport (et sans doute yoga car ça doit faire 2 semaines que je n’en n’ai pas fait et ça me manque!)🧘♀️
Ensuite je vais faire des fiches de révisions, de l’histoire, des maths (un pur bonheur) et de la SES❤️
C’est terrible de devoir passer ses vacances à réviser 😭
Et vous, vous faites quoi de beau aujourd’hui? 😘💛
#edfighter #realrecovery #anafighter #anorexiarecovery #anorexierecovery #breakfast #morning #health #healthy #healthybreakfast #peanutbutter #recovery #recoveryispossible #recoveryisworthit #toast #toasts
Instagram vs reality; just a few hours before this picture I was sitting crying to my mum about how anxious and depressed I’ve been feeling. Truthfully, these past few days have been so tough. My anxiety has escalated again and I keep thinking what is the point, what’s the point in keeping on going? Why can’t I just be normal and live my life like a normal person. On the way home from uni on Friday I just broke down to my mum and again in work yesterday I broke down. I feel scared, and I don’t even know what I’m scared of. I decided I wasn’t going to go out last night but my friends persuaded me to go even if I only went for a few hours. I’m so glad I went because it actually turned out to be a good night and I’m proud that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to go. I will get back to that sociable, happy girl I was a few weeks ago!
It’s only February, but I am so excited for summer😝
I can’t wait for daily smoothie bowls, beach, tans, water fights and endless fruit picking🍓😋
Swipe for some thick oats🙌🏻
Still taking each day as it comes this holiday, with tons of recovery wins.
For example, if you saw my story, last night at 9:15ish I had a mc Donald’s as a snack!! Along with a punnet of raspberries and strawberries because I really craved them 🤷♀️💪🏻
And even though I haven’t seen my therapist in 2 months, I am feeling the best I have in years.
I am healthy, have my period, feel good around food, very happy with my grades at school, way more confident socially. This is ALL because of recovery.
The whole of last year was hell, but THANK GOD I fought through it, because I wouldn’t feel this way if I didn’t.
It seems impossible and terrifying, but it’s worth it.
Think of it like a job, you need to work really hard to get more money, like eating becomes your JOB and the more work you put in, the more you get out.
I am feeling great.
I have bad days but they are worth moments like this.
You can do this.
I love you
Dinner is coconut chicken curry with a cup of rice 🍚🍛 TWO HOURS after LUNCH!! is that weird that I’m actually still hungry from lunch when usually I don’t feel hungry?
Morning beautiful souls hope Sunday is as soulful as you! Sunday even god says it’s a day of rest, this means a rest for your body and also your mind. Yes turning off that mental health chatterbox is impossible otherwise we’d all be laughing however do some nice distractions for eg see a loved one, listen to the most cheesiest songs (YMCA is one of my go tos) or simply sit down in a comfy spot and get sucked into a book 📚 I’m seeing a loved one today and may even go on a little car journey maybe that’s the best opportunity to play a cheesy song 😏 also if you had a grey day yesterday don’t let that seep into today it’s the 17/2 not the 16/2 that’s gone now poof never to return! So forget about yesterday as today is the present get showered with your favourite tunes, have a nice breakfast and start the day with the curtains open! See ya later 👋 #eatingdisorderawareness #eatittobeatit #eatingdisorderrecovery #edfighter #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexia #foodisfuel #edwarrior #anawho #anawarrior #edwarrior #mentalhealthawareness
U N H E A L T H Y F O O D
A toppic very common for people having an ed which I want to tell you more about from my point of view. Maybe you’ll say like, noo not again, but there really is no unhealthy food. Take fries for example, yes they contain fat, but so what? Your body NEEDS fat and even multiple times a week! Or candy, your body NEEDS sugar! It gives us the energy to breath and walk! I’m not saying everything is healthy, an overdose of a food group, I mean, eating pizza every day of the week, can be a little too much. But if you eat it once, twice or maybe three times it is totally okay! The healthiest way of eating is an eating pattern including EVERY food. Carbs, fats, sugars, proteins.. all of them. Your body is made and built to know what’s good for you and I promise, you’ll find a very healthy way of eating by just trusting it. Don’t worry if all you’re craving now is sugary or anything, that’s totally normal. Your body hasn’t got those nutrients for a very long time and just wants to catch up now you’re feeding it again!💛
We went to a winterbar in the nearby park and they sold pancakes! Even though I had eaten pancakes at noon I still craved one and I opted for white chocolate & apricot jam!! 🤤 IF YOU WANT PANCAKES TWICE A DAY, GET PANCAKES TWICE A DAY!!!!! 🥞
#pancake #recovery #anorexiarecovery #anarecovery #anawho #fight #edfighter #ed #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #strongnotskinny #edwarrior #food #lovefood #foodisgood #foodisfuel #prorecovery #hungry #yum #nourishtoflourish #positivity #mentalhealth #healthy #healing #recoveryisworthit #beautiful #delicious #fearfood #recoverywin
My past taught me to drink my coffee black but doesn’t it just taste hella better with milk? Last #breakfast
at home was proats with banana, cacao nibs, bluebs, pb, self-made muffin, coconut chips and sesame seeds plus a cup of coffee with oat milk!🤩
Being inpatient usually sucks but as I told you it can also teach us things. This third hospitalization has taught me more than ever and these are the things I’d like to share:
👣 LIFE JUST DOESN’T GO THE WAY YOU HAD PLANNED
I’ve been missing out everything that happens outside the hospital. School, friends, parties and so on but somehow I’ve learned to face my own reality and that’s all that counts.
👣 WHEN YOU TRY TO CONTROL EVERYTHING YOU ENJOY NOTHING
Maybe the feeling of being in control gives you temporary relief but in the end it just drives you towards a permanent chaos.
👣 THE OUTSIDE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE INSIDE
Your vision of someone usually is far from the truth before you open your mouth and give up on your expectations.
👣 EVEN WHEN YOU’RE IN PAIN YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE ONE
People don’t always build up walls to keep others out but to keep whatever is left in. However the walls should never keep us away from our loved ones or drive away our kindness.
👣 NOTHING WILL GO AWAY UNTIL IT HAS TAUGHT YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW
I have been trying to get rid of many things hurting me without succeeding. That’s just because I haven’t learnt all the things they were supposed to teach me in the beginning and yes, I still do have a lot to learn.
So my plans with my friend changed a lot and we ended up singing our hearts out to Taylor Swift and her little sister made us nachos (!!) and I m just eating them kind if care free, she also got me a chocolate bar and we might make pop corn later and watch horror stuff and I am actually full of guilt and fear but also having fun and being happy so I am not leaving ed ruin this for me. I missed my friend so much I want to have a good night. 🌼
Our oven broke yesterday. So I can’t bake for now anymore. That’s actually a really bad thing because baking is one of my only distractions. I really love baking and when I bake I don’t go for a walk or bike ride. I’d be just baking. I’m pretty concerned that it won’t be fixed by Tuesday. Tomorrow is eating clinic day. But Tuesday I have to spend alone after lunch.
So if you have ideas to distract myself I’d really appreciate that!
Garlic prawn and soy sauce stirfry after a very busy day
1 serving egg noodles
10 prawns marinated in garlic
Mixed veggies (I used carrot, broccoli, peas, spinach and beans)
3 dashes of soy sauce
2 tsp crushed garlic
Topped with 1 tbsp peanut butter
Over-exercising, or even just exercising for the wrong reasons, has been a big problem. It may be a problem for a while. I've been struggling with using exercise as compensation for eating anything that the disorder deems as dangerous.
I want to break free of the cycle of disordered exercise. I believe I can do it. It might be hard, it might be scary, but I will get through it with all the help of my family and people I'm close to.
It's hard for me to believe, but they're all on my side, they all want the best for me, they all want me to heal, to live my life uninterrupted by a disorder.
I am determined for life. I will leave malnourishment behind forever and get on with my life.
#anorexia #anorexiarecovery #ed #edrecovery #edwarrior #edfighter #bodypositivity #intuitiveeating #intuitiveexercise #life #happy #healthy #recovered #malnourished #heal #holistichealing
Having lunch at 4:30 as I just got back from my gymnastics practise comp so I haven’t eaten since breakfast 😬😬 it went for so long!! So having this veggie Tika masala curry with a cup of rice and a caramel almond milk 🥛🎃🍅🥒🥦🥕🍛🍚 then I have to have dinner in like 2 hours 😵
Today’s my 2 year Anniversary for going to treatment. My Recoversary.
2 years ago I went into treatment in California. I had finally admitted I needed help. It wasn’t easy. I had every reason not to go but I put my life on hold to tackle my mental health.
In hindsight maybe treatment wasn’t as great as I could have been. And maybe I should have gone to a different treatment center. But what it did do was set me up to work through recovery on my own.
Recovery is hard. You have to actively choose it every day. You have to work so hard just to gain and inch and sometimes you lose that same inch the next day.
But it’s worth it. Because I’m the end the voices will be quieter, you’ll know better how to cope with your feelings, and you won’t be engaging in behaviors regularly.
And when behaviors do start up again you’ll know that somethings up in your life and you need to take a look and analyze. Figure out what’s tipping you off of your stability.
I’m still doing it. Every day. I know you can too.
Hi hello 👋 Took a week off insta bc I realised I was comparing my intake to others and that is never good 🙅🏼♀️Was quite nice to live a bit more in the present and I will probably try to spend less time on social media in general for at least the next few weeks bc I know comparison is a big problem for me 🙇🏼♀️HOWEVER I am still very grateful for the support of this community so wanted to pop back online for a bit 💗
This week I upped my intake and even challenged myself to make dinner for my family which I am very happy with because I refused to let anorexia join me in the kitchen 🙅🏼♀️ I made these cheesy pieburgers 🥧 filled with a mixture of Quorn mince, flavourings, and both vegan and dairy cheese 🧀 because I need to challenge both 💁🏼♀️ Topped it with tomato sauce 🍅 and served with potato mash 🥔, carrots 🥕 and broccoli 🥦 They were very tasty 😍 Almost anything with pastry is never a bad idea imo 😁
Feeling pretty anxious about the week ahead because I will likely be entering inpatient treatment which is very scary but I am trying to remain positive ☀️ Hope you are doing well 🧡
#edrecovery #edfighter #edwarrior #edfam #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recovery #prorecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #antidiet #strongnotskinny #intuitiveeating #vegetarian #dinner #dairyfree #pie #vegetarianpie #mincepie #food #mostlyplantbased #plantbased
i know i just said i was backing up 🤷🏻♀️ butttttt dinner yesterday and today was pretty 👌🏼 i got to see my therapist today, feeling fear free and medicated as hell. also got to hang out with a little girl from my shooting practice and live a little. kids really being out the beauty in the world ❤️ my councillor told me to carry myself, let diet culture and forced food influence you as much as forced religion, they can’t make you read the bible, and that i’m deserving of my own self respect and discovering my own identity in short. i chant live in fear of being treated as i have in the past. i need to demand a happier future. that is what i will do. today i ate what came natural and made me feel satisfied and full, even though i didn’t need to. i ate candy, i let a little kid pick my lunch, i finished the day with a nourishing power bowl with dressing (!!!!) and buckled down to practice self love through homework, keeping cleaned up, hygiene and caring for my torn hamstring 😅😂 no one will walk on me. screw off ana.
#eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder #edrecovery #anarecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #bulimiarecovery #anorexic #edwarrior #edfighter #edfamiy #anawarrior #anafighter #fuckana #healthy #health #fitness #eatittobeatit #buddahbowl #salad #quinoa #avocado #prorecovery
I am going out tonight with a friend and I am so excited! When she was doing my makeup she told me that she was really happy... She said that two years ago when she was going out with me she remembered that apparently I used to eat almost nothing. She said she was very nervous I was not going to eat the food her sister put on my plate, that she was surprised I did it. She said she saw a huge improvement, a big step on my part, that it was a lot different from the past times she has saw me.
When she said all that I felt kind of guilty and ashamed. Then I felt happy. I felt proud. I am actually doing good things. I feel guilty but proud.
I told her that tbh I really did not hink I was going to finish that meal, but I did. I tried to leave most of it or some BUT I DID. I was looking at them eat and get fries and seconds and was telling myself there was nothing wrong in finishing it.
I am touched someone actually noticed and told me how they saw progress in me that I did not know existed.
Today will be good. I can make this all good.
Did you know that counting calories and maintaining a strict exercise regimen can be the early symptoms of an eating disorder? Eating disorders can come on slowly, and these seemingly small things can easily become more serious. Talking to a professional is a great place to start if you're struggling.
Hey guys! My name is Isabella, I’m 17 years old, a senior in high school, and I have been in recovery from anorexia for close to 3 years. I started my journey in 2015-2016 at Canopy Cove. The journey has not been easy, but it has definitely been worth it. I believe all of you are strong enough to beat this illness and worthy of love and recovery! Feel free to DM me if you are struggling or have any questions about recovery. But remember that you can do it! Rather than defining yourself based on a number or a comparison, look at how lucky you are to be alive and surrounded by those who love you. Recover for yourself and all those who care for you. I promise you someone cares about you, whether that be a friend, sibling, your parents, or God. Recovery and gaining back your life is so much better than death and misery. So, I urge you to choose life by choosing recovery! Separate yourself from your disorder and free yourself from the strict rules around food and exercise. I love each and every one of you who is fighting for recovery. Keep going and remember that it’s about the journey rather than the destination. Keep fighting, warriors! 🍎🍕🍪 #prorecovery #edrecovery #edwarrior #edfighter
Depression and anxiety can feel and look like many things to many people, but quite generally speaking, this rings true.
When it comes to eating disorders, depression and anxiety are often co-occurring and at Ai Pono Hawaii, we offer weekly pschoeducational groups on both topics. In addition, residents have regular consultations with psychiatric and medical staff to address these issues- how they show up for you, how they impact your life, and specifically, how they contribute to your eating disorder thoughts and behaviors.
In addition to these methods, we participate in daily mindfulness practices and DBT to help residents learn distress tolerance and emotional regulation in order to naturally and effectively endure difficult or uncomfortable emotions and trigger situations.
To learn more about our treatment approach and program content, visit our website today.
#edrecovery #edawareness #edwarriors #recoverywarrior #edfighter #2fab4ana #prorecovery #realrecovery #eatingdisordersurvivor #recoveryisworthit #anorexiarecovery #bulimiarecovery #bedrecovery #haes #intuitiveeating #nondiet #recoverycommunity #selfcare #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthadvocate #depression #anxiety #mindbodysoul #healing #aiponohawaii #dranitajohnston #eatinginthelightofthemoon #womensupportingwomen
open hands, open heart
this moment as confusing and painstaking as it is, it still holds beauty... in the monotony of trains and tears shed as the music blasts from the speakers and shakey hands because you can feel the shifting within your bones... every single happening for you in the timing it needs to happen.
there are things in my life I have left unaddressed, things I have dared not to let slip off the edges of my lips lest someone think differently. but those things happened and I, like everyone have a choice in what I do with them. ————————————————————————————
this season is about having open hands and an open heart, about being willing to walk through the shadows to see the light. this season is about love, not just for others, but for seeing and recognizing all it took to get to this moment. this is a season where I continue to walk towards my Truth and align myself with that, and yes, it is a helluva lot of love and light and joy and I’m aware of the risk I am taking... by being publicly vulnerable to the point of getting messages if I am okay and the short answer is “yes and no”
I am a human, being
hands open and heart exposed
I am (still) here //
#forgeyourownpath #wanderfolk #selfawareness #liveyourtruth #yogi #wisdom #intentionalliving #sustainableliving #thatsdarling #liveauthentic #breatheitallin #thisisyoga #healthiswealth #trusttheprocess #twloha #mentalhealth #lightworker #lightisthenewblack #lawofattraction #spiritualawakening #edfighter #edwarrior #raiseyourvibrations #loveislove #bornthisway #lgbt #poetrycommunity #poetryporn #poetsofinstagram
Happy weekend #edwarriors
! I love getting time outdoors over the weekend ☀️ Try to do something today or tomorrow that you enjoy or relaxes you ❣️
THIS IS A FUCKING MASSIVE DEAL. So I went to the theatre and saw one of my fave shows again, did stage door, and just felt so... inspired and encouraged and reminded what it feels like to think and care about something other than food and calories and weight. So we went for drinks after and rather than just paying stupid money for a diet coke I got an alcoholic cocktail with juice and spirits and all that comes with it?? Then we got a SECOND??? Then we got happy meals???? Which I ate almost all of even though they gave me a chicken wrap instead of the veggie one and I had to take it back and ask for another one and my head was like IT'S A SIGN. So I had two cocktails and most of a veggie kids wrap and small chips and a sprite zero. Feeling tired and a bit drunk bc my alcohol tolerance is down, and SO SCARED that I'm gonna gain loads and feel shitty tomorrow but also kind of proud of myself. I didn't do it for me, I did it to enjoy more shows and musicals and kinda for the characters and actors bc they mean so much to me. Congrats if you read this far through this shit have a 🌟
😁 Hey guys ! Today was so fun and I had a lot of win against my ed! Im feeling the guilt now but it's alright!
---- 🍎 Breakfast : One apple + 2 weetabix (!) + Hot half skimmed milk (!!). (9AM)
🤩 Tried weetabix for the first time ! It's unusual but I like it!
---- 🍣 Lunch : Radish + Sushis (!!!) (Half of what's pictured) + some raspberries. (1PM)
😍 I love sushis!... But i feel so guilty becajse i had so much and ughh. But loved them...
---- 🍨 Afternoon snack 1 : Ice cream (pineapple; blackcurrant, citrus) (!!!!) Topped with whipped cream (!!!!) And berries jam (!). (3PM)
😳 My grandfather asked me to go with him get ice cream and so I did! Proud of myself tho!
---- 🥛 Afternoon snack 2 : Muesli (!!!!) Topped with half skimmed milk (!!). (5PM)
😒 Whe' I got home i was so ashamed bevause I was still hungry after all i ate! But my mom told me it was okay to eat !
---- 🥧 Afternoon snack 3 : Two crispbreads topped with Speculoos spread (!!!!) and Peach yogurt (!!) with dried cranberries (!) + the rest of the yogurt + one piece of apple pie (!!!!). (5PM)
😖 And I was still hungry so I ate and ate and now hate myself! Went to sleep till 10 PM right after oop
---- 🍜 Dinner : Carrots + Pastas (!!!!) (Half of what's pictured) + Veal with beans and peas (!!). (11PM)
---- 🍊 Dessert : One orange + one oven baked apple topped with honey (!) + Some fat-free Greek yogurt + raisins. (Midnight)
---- ☺️ I have an amazing but scary day tomorrow planned with friends. Will tell you more tomorrow!!
Good night ⛼
#ed #edrecovery #recovery #ana #anorexia #anorexic #anorexianevrosa #ednos #recover #thinspo #fearfood #meals #food #anafighter #anawarrior #prorecovery #recoveryishard #anarecovery #edfighter #edwarrior #bodyimage #struggle #challenginged #fdoe #breakfast #lunch #dinner