• FDOE •
I’ve got my admission review in the morning, but I’m feeling optimistic that, following a recent change in mindset, I’ll be able to remain outpatient!
I’m quite nervous because tomorrow is the first day my Mum isn’t going to be home to supervise my eating (she has a lot of patients Monday’s). This worries me because I find it hard to justify eating without there being other people around me, anorexia tells me I’m indulging and a failure. Well I’m pushing through because this is anorexia bullshit and I’m determined to kick ana in the butt! I’ve already started soaking oats for breakie to hold me accountable.
You get em, lovelies!! #edfam #recovery #nourishnotpunish #eatittobeatit #fdoe #anorexia #ana #anorexiarecover #anorexic #anorexiarecovering #edrecovery #edwarrior #anawarrior #anafighter
▪This was yesterday's lunch.
▪It was so freaking terrifying but I did it!!
▪THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE 1.2K, OUR FAMILY KEEP GROWING AND I'M VERY HAPPY I CAN HELP, AT LEAST, SOME OF YOU!!❤❤
Instagram vs reality; just a few hours before this picture I was sitting crying to my mum about how anxious and depressed I’ve been feeling. Truthfully, these past few days have been so tough. My anxiety has escalated again and I keep thinking what is the point, what’s the point in keeping on going? Why can’t I just be normal and live my life like a normal person. On the way home from uni on Friday I just broke down to my mum and again in work yesterday I broke down. I feel scared, and I don’t even know what I’m scared of. I decided I wasn’t going to go out last night but my friends persuaded me to go even if I only went for a few hours. I’m so glad I went because it actually turned out to be a good night and I’m proud that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to go. I will get back to that sociable, happy girl I was a few weeks ago!
it’s 3am. i’m laying in bed on my phone working on a bunch of shit. (topless because that’s the best way to sleep even though i never sleep). a lot is coming and i finally have a good feeling about all the things i want to do. tomorrow (today) i’m filming a what i eat in a day to prove to myself that i am allowed to eat and it’s okay. also an update because a lot has been going on. morning routine video will be up tomorrow (today) too. also i made a new inspiration board on pinterest that i really really like and it’s linked in my bio if you wanna check it out 💭
I am genuinely suspicious when someone's recovery journey is 'too linear' in terms of nutrition and weight restoration because it makes me feel like we are missing an underlying factor. Recovery is tough - you can expect itll have it's ups and downs. @online_coping_skills
Garlic prawn and soy sauce stirfry after a very busy day
1 serving egg noodles
10 prawns marinated in garlic
Mixed veggies (I used carrot, broccoli, peas, spinach and beans)
3 dashes of soy sauce
2 tsp crushed garlic
Topped with 1 tbsp peanut butter
was going back through my old photography and found this little gem I never paid much mind too - I love it!! getting to travel the world and see more beautiful things like this is such a motivator for me in my recovery • my brothers birthday dinner was tonight, and I did my best to not restrict, and even enjoyed a piece of cake with my family while we played a very intense game of trivial pursuit!! hope you all had a sick Saturday🤪
218 - i ate also 3 kinder chocolates and 1/3 of milka chocolate! Exam yesterday was awful! I have no idea how ot went because it was so strange... today I’ve got 2 exams - first at noon and 2nd one at 3PM... first one won’t be as hard (i think) because there will be 5 excercises and I can have notes so it should be ok! But the second one... i still have to read over 300 slides to read anything and believe me I won’t review it after...
Also planning to watch 2 moview afterwards so can’t wait!!!
1432 kcal | 147 C | 26 P | 82 F
#edfam #eatingdisorderrecovery #bingeeatingrecovery #bedfam #foad #fooddiary
Today’s my 2 year Anniversary for going to treatment. My Recoversary.
2 years ago I went into treatment in California. I had finally admitted I needed help. It wasn’t easy. I had every reason not to go but I put my life on hold to tackle my mental health.
In hindsight maybe treatment wasn’t as great as I could have been. And maybe I should have gone to a different treatment center. But what it did do was set me up to work through recovery on my own.
Recovery is hard. You have to actively choose it every day. You have to work so hard just to gain and inch and sometimes you lose that same inch the next day.
But it’s worth it. Because I’m the end the voices will be quieter, you’ll know better how to cope with your feelings, and you won’t be engaging in behaviors regularly.
And when behaviors do start up again you’ll know that somethings up in your life and you need to take a look and analyze. Figure out what’s tipping you off of your stability.
I’m still doing it. Every day. I know you can too.
Hi hello 👋 Took a week off insta bc I realised I was comparing my intake to others and that is never good 🙅🏼♀️Was quite nice to live a bit more in the present and I will probably try to spend less time on social media in general for at least the next few weeks bc I know comparison is a big problem for me 🙇🏼♀️HOWEVER I am still very grateful for the support of this community so wanted to pop back online for a bit 💗
This week I upped my intake and even challenged myself to make dinner for my family which I am very happy with because I refused to let anorexia join me in the kitchen 🙅🏼♀️ I made these cheesy pieburgers 🥧 filled with a mixture of Quorn mince, flavourings, and both vegan and dairy cheese 🧀 because I need to challenge both 💁🏼♀️ Topped it with tomato sauce 🍅 and served with potato mash 🥔, carrots 🥕 and broccoli 🥦 They were very tasty 😍 Almost anything with pastry is never a bad idea imo 😁
Feeling pretty anxious about the week ahead because I will likely be entering inpatient treatment which is very scary but I am trying to remain positive ☀️ Hope you are doing well 🧡
#edrecovery #edfighter #edwarrior #edfam #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recovery #prorecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #antidiet #strongnotskinny #intuitiveeating #vegetarian #dinner #dairyfree #pie #vegetarianpie #mincepie #food #mostlyplantbased #plantbased
I just went and got my biggest f***ing craving- I haven’t had it since YEAR 7- SCOTTISH TABLET 😱 so.amazing. •
Honestly it would be so nice to just wake up every morning and KNOW that for that WHOLE day, I’m in recovery. ALL my actions must be towards recovery. I am committed, mind and soul, and therefore I have nothing to fear or to question. I don’t need to think about what to eat, where to go or how to waste time that day- because the answer is simply eat as much as possible in order to restore my weight, rest as much as I can to repair my body and accept the fact this will mean weight gain.
I would be aware that some days I won’t like it and some days I won’t want to eat at ALL... but I’m in recovery 100%. I’ve committed. So there’s no stress or confusion. No anxiety over trying to recover while simultaneously appease my eating disorder. There would be no fear foods or compulsions- because my goal is to nutritionally rehabilitate and neurally rewire ANYWAY. There is just full.complete.recovery. •
Knowing THAT... I’d be at peace. I’d be scared and unsure- but I’d be far more relaxed. And I’d be on the road to a better life.
AND ITS ALL ONE BIG LEAP OF FAITH AWAY. It’s in MY hands. •
#anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #anorexia #eatittobeatit #togetherwecan #recoveryisworthit #fuckana #anawho #minniemaud #realrecovery #weightgain #edwarrior #edfam #gainflabfeelfab #edsoldier #recovery #eatingdisorder #adultwithed #inpatient #weightrestoring #recoveryispossible
Did you know that counting calories and maintaining a strict exercise regimen can be the early symptoms of an eating disorder? Eating disorders can come on slowly, and these seemingly small things can easily become more serious. Talking to a professional is a great place to start if you're struggling.
Sesame ball!! This yummy treat is a fried rice flour ball with mung bean inside and sesame outside. It’s super crispy outside but the inner layer is very doughy and sweet. 😍🥰
Happy weekend #edwarriors
! I love getting time outdoors over the weekend ☀️ Try to do something today or tomorrow that you enjoy or relaxes you ❣️
THIS IS A FUCKING MASSIVE DEAL. So I went to the theatre and saw one of my fave shows again, did stage door, and just felt so... inspired and encouraged and reminded what it feels like to think and care about something other than food and calories and weight. So we went for drinks after and rather than just paying stupid money for a diet coke I got an alcoholic cocktail with juice and spirits and all that comes with it?? Then we got a SECOND??? Then we got happy meals???? Which I ate almost all of even though they gave me a chicken wrap instead of the veggie one and I had to take it back and ask for another one and my head was like IT'S A SIGN. So I had two cocktails and most of a veggie kids wrap and small chips and a sprite zero. Feeling tired and a bit drunk bc my alcohol tolerance is down, and SO SCARED that I'm gonna gain loads and feel shitty tomorrow but also kind of proud of myself. I didn't do it for me, I did it to enjoy more shows and musicals and kinda for the characters and actors bc they mean so much to me. Congrats if you read this far through this shit have a 🌟
Poached eggs, haloumi fries, potato roti, field mushrooms and tomato pesto 🤤 Love me some brunch.
lunch today was me basically throwing random things together😂🤷🏻♀️ but this turned out so yummy!🤩🤩
. . .
hope everyone’s having a great Saturday! mine so far has been uneventful but productive! i cleaned my bathroom AND my room (haha they were both a mess🤪), I went to the gym and had a decent workout, and then I made lunch. now I’m currently helping make dinner and I think I might go hang out with some friends later tonight👍🏼 so yeah, it’s been just a regular Saturday for me😊 anyways that’s it for me today! not really any other interesting things to say LOL😂 i love all you guys!! xoxo💖💖 (also, peanut butter cup @halotopcreamery
is DELICIOUS fyi🤤🤤) •••deeats: base of spinach with cucumbers, tomatoes, 2 hard boiled eggs and a grilled chicken breast plus a bag of sour cream and onion @popchips
(also idk why Instagram does this but whenever I type out my caption it doesn’t put the bullet points where I want them idk it’s hard to explain but i know the points and stuff are sometimes weirdly placed on my captions but I didn’t type them out like that, Instagram messed them up😂)
I validate you. It’s hard. Opening up about how you’re feeling is hard. It’s hard and you can still do it. I believe in you.
my new fav yogurt 🙌🏻 icelandic style ❄️ mixed with pb2 and topped with pumpkin spice granola, cinnamon, and banana slices 🍌✨ happy saturday!
When I gave birth to my daughter a few years ago, it was painfully difficult to love my body and myself.
Being a mother in eating disorder recovery is challenging and confusing sometimes - to teach her how to relentlessly love herself while still learning how to love myself.
But what I want most for her is to not ever know what it's like to live with an eating disorder.
I don't ever want her to follow in my foot steps, avoiding life and fearing food, counting calories and living at the gym.
I don't want her to hate her body and try to destroy it, or feel like she isn't good enough.
I don't want that for her - so every day I must continue to choose recovery and self love, for both of us.
I have to keep breaking the cycle, even on the hard days. 💜
I've been a bit quiet over the last few days as I've been struggling since my post-pizza epiphany, with both with my mood and some really loud ED thoughts (but powering on through, because commitment and all that jazz). I'm back home for the weekend now which will hopefully help me to get my mojo back. Obviously Nutella will help with that - highly recommend trying these bars if you haven't already!
Hiyaah guys 💞
Today I went home from the clinic after breakfast! My husband and me did a lot of shopping and had this beauty as #afternoonsnack
Doing good, I'll go back to the clinic tomorrow and then my last whole week there will start! But from Monday evening (after dinner) to Tuesday evening (before dinner) I'll go home again, because I'll have an Interview with my intership, which will start in April. I'm soooo nervous but hopefully it will be okay! 😊
I had a mirror expo with my therapist last friday and it was really hard. I stood in front of a mirror, only in my underwear, for almost an hour. I had to describe myself without being mean and it really helped me! I had to feel my skin and I realized that my anorexia wants me to see myself as overweight to lose weight again, but I am still underweight. Ready to fight for those last kilograms to get a healthy weight! 💪
Good night 💞
#anorexia #ana #anorexiarecovery #selfcare #fightingana #anorexiafighter #keepfighting #iamnot1in5 #inpatient #stepbystep #edwarrior #edfam #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #eatittobeatit #gainingweightiscool
Hellou y'all 🤗
I really hope you all had a good day and that you are doing fine ❣️
I am at @livingnotexisting_
's house right now and we spent a wonderful day together.
On the picture you can see something we atwe6
ate at a little Café : She had a piece of super good looking #cheesecake
and I had this really yummy 😋 #carrotcake
+ both of us had a small portion of 'bircher-müsli'
I'll stay here until tomorrow and I have to leave tomorrow night🌃😔
Wish you all a nice evening and sweet dreams ❤️
Ich hoffe ihr hattet einen schönen Tag und es geht euch gut 💕
Ich bin heute morgen mit dem Zug los zur lieben Yasmin gefahren und wir haben den Tag in Würzburg verbracht. Wir waren shoppen und haben uns die Residenz angesehen. Es war ein wundervoller tag wofür ich mich wirklich bei Yasmin bedanken möchte. Du bist einer der wirklich sehr wenigen Menschen die trotz Distanz immer für mich da sind❤️ (ma gurl in thr US kann sich auch angesprochen fühlen 💕)
Heute Mittag/Nachmittag gabs dann Kuchen und Bircher Müsli und beim shoppen hab ich einige Sachen gekauft auf die ich sehr gespannt bin.
Ich bleibe dann nich bis morgen Abend und dann geht es leider wieder nach Hause.
Ich wünsche euch noch einen schönen Abend und süße Träume ❣️
When people say "recovery", you typically think of returning to how you were before your illness. But there is no going back. You do not merely recover, but reinvent yourself. You become something completely different from what you were before.
Ich bin dankbar.
Für jeden einzelnen Tag, den ich auf dieser Erde verbringen kann. Für jeden einzelnen Moment, den ich genießen kann.
Ich bin dankbar für die Menschen um mich herum, die mich lieben.
Vor allem bin ich dankbar für meine Essstörung, denn durch sie habe ich so viel über mich herausgefunden.
Ich kann mich vollkommen neu erfinden, auch wenn der Weg bis zur Genesung hart und schwierig ist. ❤️🌺
Such an important reminder from @lindseyhallwrites.
When you find yourself glamorizing memories of your ED or missing the “good” parts of the disorder, don’t forget to remember all the misery that came along with it. If your eating disorder made you happy, you wouldn’t have been so miserable.
Recovery comes with a lot of hard days, but it also comes with the promise of so many more good days. Your eating disorder was never going to give you that.
Happy Saturday my friends, I hope you have a wonderful weekend 💗 i just wanted to thank You for the last weeks Support 🥰 .
It is amazing how Instagram turned from being a platform where I had to present myself and make everything look perfect into a social tool which allows me to connect with awesome people all over the country🙏🏻🌌. It is so interesting to get to know some of you and just connect 💖
Honestly, SOCIAL media couldn’t be more satisfying 😏 it is not about showing up or giving an impression… It is about receiving and getting an impression 😇 and I just wanted to thank you for that
Forgot to take a photo of dinner so here’s one of my snack this afternoon! Thought I’d do the “10 non-MH related facts” thingy I’ve seen going round Instagram- I wasn’t tagged but felt like doing it anyway! Pre-warning, I’m pretty boring! So...10 facts about me:
1. My first name is actually Helena, but I use my middle name for this account because I’m ridiculously paranoid about anyone finding it! I actually prefer Emily/ Em to my first name but you can call me whatever you like!! (Within reason😜)
2. I love all animals but none as much as cats 🐱 and I am well on my way to becoming a ‘crazy cat lady!’
3. I am an only child and have a very, very small family.
4. Talking of small, I am very short at 5”1.5 (the half makes all the difference!) and I wish I was even just a couple of inches taller!
5. Despite being a massive introvert, I love all things theatre related 🎭 and took acting/drama classes for over 12 years!
6. I am in my final year of my English Lit degree and university (despite living at home and having a 2 hour commute each way!) has been the one of the best experiences I’ve had- I will be devastated to leave!😭
7. I have recently discovered my love for dance and have been taking jazz, ballet and street dance lessons on and off! 💃
8. I love comedy and my all time favourite comedienne is Victoria Wood! (Who no-one else my age seems to have heard of?!) 9. I am a huge daydreamer and spend a lot of time in my own world!
10. I love going for long walks/ hiking and being outdoors- I hate few things more than being stuck in the house all day!
Sorry if that wasn’t very interesting! I hope everyone’s having a nice weekend and sending lots of love to you all! I won’t tag anyone in particular but will be looking out for anyone else who fancies giving it a go! Lots of love to you all! 💗#anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #edfam #mentalhealthawareness #anxietywarrior #depressionrecovery #mentalillness #mentalhealthmatters
challenge smashed... on day 16... whilst out with others watching an opera!... A pot of lemon sorbet in the interval!! Honestly feel pretty awful... in terms of guilt because this was SO unnecessary... could’ve easily been avoided... and I just don’t deserve treats... but I’m fighting through it...
this was my dinner and it was soo delicious. i could only eat the half of it but idc its yummy!
~dinner: nova salad=248 calories
Don't know how much longer I can go on pretending I am OK.