Haii, today I just wanted to give you an update.🙈
The whole week wants easy, especially Wednesday. I had an argument with the boyfriend of my mum at Monday and on Wednesday it escalated. We both began to cry and it was very difficult to manage. I hated myself soo much and wasn't even capable of being positive at school. I think my friends there noticed it bc they tried to support and comfort me by trying to make me laugh or making me compliments but they didn't wanted to ask me out and I'm really thankful for their sense of tact. On Thursday we managed to make it up again but he's still sad. In his opinion I have to change something on my behaviour but frankly I don't know how and what exactly. I just can't become a completely new person from one day to another. And I'm just to exhausted and tired of trying being positive. I'm tired of putting on my face a fake smile and just laugh without meaning it exactly. But yesterday it was completely different. It was a huge exception. As you might get to know through my story, I was yesterday with my mum in Munich. Alone. Without my siblings or even her boyfriend (that's one reason why he was so sad. He thinks that I only don't want him to to along with us but I just wanted to spend time with my mum). It was beautiful. We talked about so may different topics and just enjoyed the day. I also overcame my anxiety and eat two times in a restaurant/café. I had a bowl in @bowlsandblenders
and then I bought a frappuccino caramel with almond milk and a cheesecake chocolate muffin at @starbucks
!!! 😻😻 I could laugh and be carefree. It was such a great feeling to just feel free for a moment. Today I've fell back into the depressions, but that's ok. I'm in recovery and I'm trying my best! And that what counts! Keep fighting and stay strong, bc life can also be beautiful. Believe me. 💘💕
|🌝Dinner🌝|🕗 18:40| ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ •Burger with 🧀 and crispy bacon 🥓 and Fries 🍟 ⠀⠀. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀|Im so sorry just noticed that the caption just disappeared and I had done one big one telling you guys how I felt !!!! But ok we spend the afternoon on the boat! And so when we left my father decided to make us a surprise, he told us he was going to bring us to a special place! So he did, he brought us to this artisanal special hamburger place and when I got there I started to get really anxious !!!! My psychiatrist says that I shouldn’t eat fried things and all the burgers came with them so that made my anxiety go straight up!!!! But ok the time to ordered arrived and from nowhere I had this motivation and ordered what I really wanted and like! Didn’t listen to Ana that was saying that I should get the most simple burger because of the numbers! So I ordered one with cheese and crispy bacon (which I didn’t ate for AGES) and the fries of course! Ok when it arrived it looked awesome guys! I ate it all my father told me to eat all the fries because I didn’t had a proper lunch and so I did ! I ate it all! And the flavor OMG it was awesome! It tasted amazing and the problem was after!!! My head start screaming and wanting to count everything of the day ! After we went to go on a walk in the center of Lisbon! And it was beautiful but I was feeling so guilty! Didn’t do anything about it but it was the HARDEST! But I continued to pushing Through! When I got home my father told me that I had to have night snack and I freaked out, I cried! Did some study and then when calmer I ate it !!! so was not easy but it was SUCH a day of recovery wins! Well Tomorrow it’s challange day !!!!! Hope you enjoy that guys because it will certainly be REALLY daunting for me! WE CAN DO WHATEVER WE WANT!!! WE SHOULD LIVE WITH PLEASURE NOT GUILT !#anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #fightinganorexia #anorexiafighter #dinner #eatittobeatit #edworrior #edfamiliy #eatingdisorderecovery #mentalhealth #ed #edfam #anorexiafighter #edjourney #anorexianervosarecovery #fear #burguer #foodchallenge #anxious #bacon #cheese #foodporn #fearfood #edrecovery #fries #fearfoodchallenge #edrecoveryfamily
Afternoon tea today was (once again) #froyo
So today is the day I finally moved into uni! At first I was absolutely terrified- like no joke, driving to the uni I felt physically sick. But once I got there, unpacked my stuff, went food shopping and got everything sorted I was a whole lot less stressed. The girls who are in my dorm are absolutely lovely too- three of us have the same name tho 😂- so I don’t think I’ll have any troubles getting along with anyone ☺️ tomorrow I start orientation, which I’m also nervous about, but it should be good to get everything finalized and in order 😌
I hope everyone else is having a lovely Sunday ❤️
• FDOE •
I’ve got my admission review in the morning, but I’m feeling optimistic that, following a recent change in mindset, I’ll be able to remain outpatient!
I’m quite nervous because tomorrow is the first day my Mum isn’t going to be home to supervise my eating (she has a lot of patients Monday’s). This worries me because I find it hard to justify eating without there being other people around me, anorexia tells me I’m indulging and a failure. Well I’m pushing through because this is anorexia bullshit and I’m determined to kick ana in the butt! I’ve already started soaking oats for breakie to hold me accountable.
You get em, lovelies!! #edfam #recovery #nourishnotpunish #eatittobeatit #fdoe #anorexia #ana #anorexiarecover #anorexic #anorexiarecovering #edrecovery #edwarrior #anawarrior #anafighter
Happy sunday everyone! For breakfast i had unmeasured(!!) millet porridge with frozen berries made on almond milk with kiwi, banana, blueberries coconut shrims and agave syrup(!!). I’ve never used any sweetener in my meals especially in porridges, I’ve always had it basically flavorless, just pulp with some fruits. But today millet porridge tasted 100 times better with agave syrup! ✨
It was a really exhausting but successful week, of course there was the moment of guilt, sadness, anger and panic and it happened at Friday (of course after eating pizza with my girlfriend lol, I mean my stomach started to hurt badly so unpleasant thoughts came in and I started crying), but hey I tried and I did it, my emotions and brain just started messing up with me. I’m still going to fight.
Also I broke my rule of weighting myself only at Mondays. Firstly it helped me stop checking my weight everyday, but then it resulted with having obsession that I’m allowed to weigh myself at Mondays. I did it this morning, I seriously thought my weight gonna drastically go up but for two weeks it’s staying the same. And I was shooketh because I ate A LOT for past week. But I guess my metabolism started to work normally and also my mum said I’m more energetic than I was, so yeah remember that food really is a fuel and you’re not gonna gain a shit ton of weight, of course you’ll gain in some cases, this is what your body needs to function in first place!! Also I did a memo with things I need to remember, it’s cliche but it helps me💛
Have a nice day bees!🐝💕
#eatittobeatit #edrecoverywarrior #edrecoveryfamily #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #edrecoveryfood #foodisfuel #nourishtoflourish #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #porridge
Instagram vs reality; just a few hours before this picture I was sitting crying to my mum about how anxious and depressed I’ve been feeling. Truthfully, these past few days have been so tough. My anxiety has escalated again and I keep thinking what is the point, what’s the point in keeping on going? Why can’t I just be normal and live my life like a normal person. On the way home from uni on Friday I just broke down to my mum and again in work yesterday I broke down. I feel scared, and I don’t even know what I’m scared of. I decided I wasn’t going to go out last night but my friends persuaded me to go even if I only went for a few hours. I’m so glad I went because it actually turned out to be a good night and I’m proud that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone to go. I will get back to that sociable, happy girl I was a few weeks ago!
Grill'd garden goodness burger for dinner 🍔
Even managed to have some chips!
Had a lovely day with my boyfriend and parents. We went in a big estate/garden kinda thing for a picnic, I had a ham and gherkin relish sandwich which was a massive win cause its my 2nd ever sandwich with filling since recovery! I also made my boyfriend some sandwiches which was fun. I've been incredibly open with my parents and bf with my anxieties around eating out so they made sure I was comfortable and it turned out to be a really stress free day.
Horrible body image day. Wanted to restrict so bad. Can't manage dessert but my meal plan only days every second day anyway, probably because my dietitian can see better than I can that having dessert more often would be overwhelming and lead to restriction. I feel like I've gained weight, even though if anything I've lost or at worst maintained. Plus I need to gain weight anyway wtf lol. I want so bad to go back to eating my safe amount of calories, the 100 calorie increase is freaking me out but I'm still barely eating enough. Idk if because I know I'm eating more the anorexia is telling me I look bigger. Anyway I hope tomorrow I feel better.
#anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #food #foodie #fearfood #recovery #ed #eatittobeatit #recoveryisworthit #foodisfuel #realrecovery #prorecovery #foodporn #edfood #realrecoveryfood #edrecoveryfood
My dream breakfast situation 🤗
Avocado 🥑, frozen banana 🍌 , spinach, almond milk and cinnamon blended up into the creamiest green smoothie bowl and topped with all my favourite things: raw chocolate drizzle, hemp hearts, berries, cacao nibs, @deliciouslyella
granola and of course @manilife_
peanut butter. When the chocolate sauce hits the cool smoothie it forms a magic shell - heaven 😍. If you had to eat one breakfast on repeat what would it be? 🧐🥞
Breakfasting on weetabix + soya milk + banana🍌! Arrived back from Amsterdam on Friday, can honestly say it was AMAZING😝! Not got any plans for today, what have you all got planned?!?
Also ich fand die leider nicht so lecker 🤨
Hey Leute ❤️
Heute melde ich mich mal schon in der Früh, weil ich heute einiges vorhabe 🥰 Ich werde heute mit meiner ganzen Familie zum Flughafen fahren und dann werden wir dort meinen Bruder abholen, der jetzt seit einem halben Jahr im Ausland war 😍 Allerdings gehen wir dort dann wahrscheinlich essen am Mittag und mittags fällt mir das sowieso schon schwer und noch dazu kennt mein Bruder mein gestörtes Essverhalten nicht so wirklich und deshalb habe ich Angst, was er sagen wird 😓 Dann muss ich heute auch noch Latein lernen, weil wir bald Schulaufgabe schreiben und Spanisch und Geschichte lernen, weil wir diese Fächer morgen haben 😩 Meine Bio Hausaufgabe will ich heute auch noch erledigen und dann halt noch ein paar kleinere Dinge 😅 Ich hoffe ihr habt heute alle einen schönen Tag und bis morgen oder später 😊🙈
Dinner is coconut chicken curry with a cup of rice 🍚🍛 TWO HOURS after LUNCH!! is that weird that I’m actually still hungry from lunch when usually I don’t feel hungry?
Morning beautiful souls hope Sunday is as soulful as you! Sunday even god says it’s a day of rest, this means a rest for your body and also your mind. Yes turning off that mental health chatterbox is impossible otherwise we’d all be laughing however do some nice distractions for eg see a loved one, listen to the most cheesiest songs (YMCA is one of my go tos) or simply sit down in a comfy spot and get sucked into a book 📚 I’m seeing a loved one today and may even go on a little car journey maybe that’s the best opportunity to play a cheesy song 😏 also if you had a grey day yesterday don’t let that seep into today it’s the 17/2 not the 16/2 that’s gone now poof never to return! So forget about yesterday as today is the present get showered with your favourite tunes, have a nice breakfast and start the day with the curtains open! See ya later 👋 #eatingdisorderawareness #eatittobeatit #eatingdisorderrecovery #edfighter #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexia #foodisfuel #edwarrior #anawho #anawarrior #edwarrior #mentalhealthawareness
So my plans with my friend changed a lot and we ended up singing our hearts out to Taylor Swift and her little sister made us nachos (!!) and I m just eating them kind if care free, she also got me a chocolate bar and we might make pop corn later and watch horror stuff and I am actually full of guilt and fear but also having fun and being happy so I am not leaving ed ruin this for me. I missed my friend so much I want to have a good night. 🌼
I am genuinely suspicious when someone's recovery journey is 'too linear' in terms of nutrition and weight restoration because it makes me feel like we are missing an underlying factor. Recovery is tough - you can expect itll have it's ups and downs. @online_coping_skills
Our oven broke yesterday. So I can’t bake for now anymore. That’s actually a really bad thing because baking is one of my only distractions. I really love baking and when I bake I don’t go for a walk or bike ride. I’d be just baking. I’m pretty concerned that it won’t be fixed by Tuesday. Tomorrow is eating clinic day. But Tuesday I have to spend alone after lunch.
So if you have ideas to distract myself I’d really appreciate that!
APPPLE & BLACKBERRY OAT BREAKFAST BAKE (recipe below 👇)
Delightfully Sweet, chewy & crispy oat bake. Warm outter with a goeey center filled with cooked juicy apple & blackberry With refreshing creamy soya yogurt; Together a fruity thick infusion to die for •1 cup of blackberries
•1 cup chopped apple
•3/4 cups oats
•1/4 tsp ginger
•1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tbsp coconut oil
•1 cup almond milk
• 1/4 cup chopped walnuts
•1/4 cup maple syrup
heat your oven to 180° Grease a small pie dish. In a bowl add all ingredients (leave out 1/2 cup of apple & blackberries) spoon mixture into pie dishes. Bake for about 25 min or until topping is golden brown. Serve warm with @alpro
yogurt , maple syrup & the rest of the apple
Morning lovelies 💚 it's that day everyone waits for, Sunday "the day of rest"
Do you really rest on Sundays though?
Throwback to Sundays as a child 💚 I was either out playing football or cuddled up to my dad watching some rugby, not forgetting the sweets & snacks. What do you remember your Sundays being like as a child?
Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit stuck I always think back to the good old days, the freedom 💚 it never fails to spark a warm feeling inside me. TRY IT 😜 today IL be thinking back because I'm still feeling a little alone 😣 TRY and remember that POSITIVITY will block the negative thoughts that overwhelm you during tough times. Stay POSITIVE and you'll achieve more than what you set yourself up for. Have a lovely day 💚
#veganrecipes #veganrecovery #veganinspo #veganism #plantbased #recipes #delicious #edwarrior #nourishnotpunish #nodiet #bodypositive #mentalhealthrecovery #anarecovery #eatittobeatit #veganfood #freefrom #dairyfree #plantpower #recoverywarrior #ana
Garlic prawn and soy sauce stirfry after a very busy day
1 serving egg noodles
10 prawns marinated in garlic
Mixed veggies (I used carrot, broccoli, peas, spinach and beans)
3 dashes of soy sauce
2 tsp crushed garlic
Topped with 1 tbsp peanut butter
was going back through my old photography and found this little gem I never paid much mind too - I love it!! getting to travel the world and see more beautiful things like this is such a motivator for me in my recovery • my brothers birthday dinner was tonight, and I did my best to not restrict, and even enjoyed a piece of cake with my family while we played a very intense game of trivial pursuit!! hope you all had a sick Saturday🤪
Having lunch at 4:30 as I just got back from my gymnastics practise comp so I haven’t eaten since breakfast 😬😬 it went for so long!! So having this veggie Tika masala curry with a cup of rice and a caramel almond milk 🥛🎃🍅🥒🥦🥕🍛🍚 then I have to have dinner in like 2 hours 😵
Lunch today is vegetable sushi 😋
So I have officially signed into university, gotten my dorm (haven’t met my room mates yet but there was a few cans of alcohol lurking around so that wasn’t very promising 😅😂) and gone food shopping too. Holy fuck all this adulting is hard 😅 still super super nervous tho as I’m not good at socializing and I really don’t wanna be alone on campus 😬 happy with how this is turning so far tho 😌
So yesterday was our family meal, my grandad pays for the whole family (20+ of us) to go for a 2 course meal! I didn't want a starter as I never do but Patrick persuaded me to share a bowl of nachos with him and I then had a huge burger with chips😍it was very difficult and I am pushing through some thoughts today but I did it! I had a few patronising remarks of family (one even clapped I know they mean well but it just felt tedious! However Patrick looked at me and quietly said "well done" he knows how hard that is for me and how comments can either really help or make me feel worse.. I just love the way he handled it 😍 hope you all had a wonderful evening! Cant believe I'm up so early on a Sunday 🙈🙈 #anorexiarecovery #recovery #skinnyisnotsexy #eatittobeatit #eatingdisorderrecovery #nachos #burger
i know i just said i was backing up 🤷🏻♀️ butttttt dinner yesterday and today was pretty 👌🏼 i got to see my therapist today, feeling fear free and medicated as hell. also got to hang out with a little girl from my shooting practice and live a little. kids really being out the beauty in the world ❤️ my councillor told me to carry myself, let diet culture and forced food influence you as much as forced religion, they can’t make you read the bible, and that i’m deserving of my own self respect and discovering my own identity in short. i chant live in fear of being treated as i have in the past. i need to demand a happier future. that is what i will do. today i ate what came natural and made me feel satisfied and full, even though i didn’t need to. i ate candy, i let a little kid pick my lunch, i finished the day with a nourishing power bowl with dressing (!!!!) and buckled down to practice self love through homework, keeping cleaned up, hygiene and caring for my torn hamstring 😅😂 no one will walk on me. screw off ana.
#eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder #edrecovery #anarecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #bulimiarecovery #anorexic #edwarrior #edfighter #edfamiy #anawarrior #anafighter #fuckana #healthy #health #fitness #eatittobeatit #buddahbowl #salad #quinoa #avocado #prorecovery
I am going out tonight with a friend and I am so excited! When she was doing my makeup she told me that she was really happy... She said that two years ago when she was going out with me she remembered that apparently I used to eat almost nothing. She said she was very nervous I was not going to eat the food her sister put on my plate, that she was surprised I did it. She said she saw a huge improvement, a big step on my part, that it was a lot different from the past times she has saw me.
When she said all that I felt kind of guilty and ashamed. Then I felt happy. I felt proud. I am actually doing good things. I feel guilty but proud.
I told her that tbh I really did not hink I was going to finish that meal, but I did. I tried to leave most of it or some BUT I DID. I was looking at them eat and get fries and seconds and was telling myself there was nothing wrong in finishing it.
I am touched someone actually noticed and told me how they saw progress in me that I did not know existed.
Today will be good. I can make this all good.
Afternnon😇 Lunch Today was a Ham and Relish Sandwich, an Apple, and Ginger Bread😍. Afternoon Tea was a Yogurt, Banana Milk, and Superwines!
Got to spend the afternoon out with Mum buying some final essentials for going to Uni. This time last month whether or not I’d even be able to go to Uni was highly questionable, I was in a really bad place mentally and physically. Yet today Mum and I were shopping for Dorm Decor! Amazing how just a few weeks of recovery has led me here! I’ve still got a long way to go but I’m way better than I was before I was admitted. This admission has done me wonders and I’m so glad I’m now going to be able to go out and start my life as a Uni student!
Recovery is 100% worth it. I promise that although it’s hard at times, the positive experiences and personal growth that come of it are priceless. I’m able to live life again and my ed is no longer holding me back. There are still tough days, but I just have to think about how much better I’m doing to realise that it’s worth it☺️
Ah! I’m in such a good mood! I’m sending good vibes your way Lovelies💫
#eatittobeatit #eatingdisorderrecovery #nourishtoflourish #recoverywin #fuckana #strongnotskinny #recoverywarrior #recoveryisworthit #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #gainingweightiscool #yummy #edfamily #edrecovery #anawho #inpatient
I just went and got my biggest f***ing craving- I haven’t had it since YEAR 7- SCOTTISH TABLET 😱 so.amazing. •
Honestly it would be so nice to just wake up every morning and KNOW that for that WHOLE day, I’m in recovery. ALL my actions must be towards recovery. I am committed, mind and soul, and therefore I have nothing to fear or to question. I don’t need to think about what to eat, where to go or how to waste time that day- because the answer is simply eat as much as possible in order to restore my weight, rest as much as I can to repair my body and accept the fact this will mean weight gain.
I would be aware that some days I won’t like it and some days I won’t want to eat at ALL... but I’m in recovery 100%. I’ve committed. So there’s no stress or confusion. No anxiety over trying to recover while simultaneously appease my eating disorder. There would be no fear foods or compulsions- because my goal is to nutritionally rehabilitate and neurally rewire ANYWAY. There is just full.complete.recovery. •
Knowing THAT... I’d be at peace. I’d be scared and unsure- but I’d be far more relaxed. And I’d be on the road to a better life.
AND ITS ALL ONE BIG LEAP OF FAITH AWAY. It’s in MY hands. •
#anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #anorexia #eatittobeatit #togetherwecan #recoveryisworthit #fuckana #anawho #minniemaud #realrecovery #weightgain #edwarrior #edfam #gainflabfeelfab #edsoldier #recovery #eatingdisorder #adultwithed #inpatient #weightrestoring #recoveryispossible
THIS IS A FUCKING MASSIVE DEAL. So I went to the theatre and saw one of my fave shows again, did stage door, and just felt so... inspired and encouraged and reminded what it feels like to think and care about something other than food and calories and weight. So we went for drinks after and rather than just paying stupid money for a diet coke I got an alcoholic cocktail with juice and spirits and all that comes with it?? Then we got a SECOND??? Then we got happy meals???? Which I ate almost all of even though they gave me a chicken wrap instead of the veggie one and I had to take it back and ask for another one and my head was like IT'S A SIGN. So I had two cocktails and most of a veggie kids wrap and small chips and a sprite zero. Feeling tired and a bit drunk bc my alcohol tolerance is down, and SO SCARED that I'm gonna gain loads and feel shitty tomorrow but also kind of proud of myself. I didn't do it for me, I did it to enjoy more shows and musicals and kinda for the characters and actors bc they mean so much to me. Congrats if you read this far through this shit have a 🌟
Let’s talk the disordered behaviors that no one talks about. This goes for everyone!
1. Forcing yourself to go to the gym when you don’t want to
2. Lower level movement such as never sitting down, pacing, etc.
3. Chewing and spitting
4. Only eating at certain times
5. Only eating foods you think are safe or “healthy”
6. Obsessing over macros/calories
7. Body checking (looking/checking your body obsessively)
8. Weighing yourself often
9. Weighing and measuring food obsessively
10. Only eating certain foods at certain times
11. Avoiding eating out
12. Chewing gum, drinking coffee, etc. to suppress appetite
13. Smothering your food with condiments or heating food so that you cannot taste it
14. Avoiding condiments because of calories
15. Only eating fear foods on “cheat days” (btw cheat days are bull crap)
16. Ignoring your hunger by distracting yourself
17. Counting your steps
18. Counting calories burned
19. Only eating “diet” or “low calorie” foods
20. Ignoring your bodies cues such as being hungry or tired
The list goes on and on. If you have an ED and use these behaviors but think your fine because you are eating enough, you need to think again. Eating disorders have so many behaviors and “not eating enough” is just one of them. The behaviors listed above often fly under the radar and people catch themselves in quasi recovery where you aren’t completely getting rid of all of the behaviors. Notice these behaviors and change them!
If you don’t have an ED and use any of these behaviors, they often get get labeled as a “diet” or even worse a “lifestyle”. Newsflash, this is disordered eating. Maybe you don’t care if you have disordered tendencies, but the fact is that there are people around you who are watching. Anything that you are doing to manipulate your body size or to ignore your bodies cues is disordered eating. As an adult you have a responsibility to be a good influence to children and people around you. Having a cheat day or counting your steps isn’t a good influence. It’s influencing others to develop an ED and not listen to their body. Take responsibility and do better.
Comment if you want to add to list or share your thoughts. Tag your friends!👇🏻