I hate admitting that I’m not okay. I hate admitting that I suffer from mental illness. I don’t even know exactly what is wrong with me, so it makes me hate to talk about it since I’m not properly diagnosed.
All I will say is no, I’m not alright. I’ve been struggling for many years, but recently it’s been a month long battle to say “I’m alright” and mean it. My circle was already small as it was because I don’t trust people, and now it’s even smaller because the people I trusted the most hosed me. Guess where they are? Having fun together as if I didn’t exist.
But honestly that’s okay. You often find your real circle during times of struggles. You also have a better chance of finding yourself, and realizing what matters.
I have my photography. I have my “talents” as an editor, photographer & writer. I have all of you who support me. I have what few friends I have left. But most of all, I have my horse. She will never hurt me and no one will ever have her except me. She’s my true best friend, and I’m ready to get out of this funk and begin working with her properly.
She was my first photography subject when I got my first camera. Every time I’ve gotten a new camera or lens, she was the first one to be in front of it. She’s been with me faithlessly through these 3 years when many of my friends weren’t. I often take her for granted or forget how much she means to me because of my illness. But I’m beginning to remember her importance again.
Sorry for this long & rambley vent. It probably isn’t the best to go on my business acc either but I felt it was important.
📍 Wheat Ridge, Colorado
January 3rd, 2019
55mm - 300mm telephoto lens
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