Felt cute might delete la ... ACTUALLY no fuck that I felt like Blaire Waldorf's distant brown cousin throughout the day and it's only on rare golden hours my depression and anxiety shuts the fuck up for 2 whole second for me to feel good myself so I am never deleting this *ding sound from the triangle in Gorgeous* ☺️💙💜💖✨ #effyourbeautystandards #clinicaldepression #anxiety #goldenhour
Clean eating isn’t going to be an easy transition. I’m used to drinking soda, iced coffee, eating fast food, eating at restaurants, candy, desserts, etc. Over the past few years I’ve gained an unhealthy amount of weight, struggle with depression and anxiety , have sleep apnea and now high blood pressure. I’m at a point that I know I need to start making healthier choices when it comes to what I am eating and drinking. I don’t want these things to control my life; I want to be in control and it starts here. (3 Eggs, Spinach, 1 garlic clove, white onions, mushrooms, and black pepper) #cleaneating #healthy #healthier #trying #clinicaldepression #overweight #highbp #bloodpressure #selfcontrol #gayhealth
Dylan suggested painting as a way to clear writers block and it's helping a bit. I decided I would try to paint dreams and memories as a means of chipping away at the stone wall in my head. The wall has been an essential companion throughout my life: locking away poisonous pain that threatened to consume my sanity. In its bid to protect me however, it has also locked away other things, positive things. It has robbed me of years of restful sleeps: infiltrating my subconscious with animalistic fear and hatred. It has also denied me my right to feel calm and to feel safe. And here it stands, firmly, denying me access to my own creativity. The wall. On one side churning and mixing, while on the other barren and dry. Delicately, I aim to construct a spillway and finally be in control of both sides. Inscribed on my wall: (these diagnoses don't limit me but rather, empower)
#ptsd #posttraumaticstressdisorder #panicdisorder #obssessivecompulsivedisorder #ocd #agorophobia #generalisedanxietydisorder #clinicaldepression #majordepressivedisorder #socialanxiety
Wow, I kind of disappeared, huh?
Possible trigger warning. .
Tbh, I haven’t been doing great this past month. There are some situations that have caused me to binge, often to the point of pain, once to vomiting (I don’t purge, my stomach physically couldn’t handle everything I had eaten that day). .
Up to then, I actually hadn’t been doing terribly. I had even lost a little weight. Then I went a little crazy & just started eating everything I had been trying to stay away from (I haven’t cut out anything; just trying to eat less bad stuff). .
I came across this pic and just thought YES. One wouldn’t think positivity can be toxic but it definitely can. I’ve heard & used pretty much everything on the right side at some point and *it doesn’t help*. I’m going to exercise some compassion & honesty with myself. Instead of telling myself “you can do this” while the doubts are swirling around, I’m going to admit that this is hard. But “hard” is ok, and I’ve already done a lot of hard things.
Having mental issues is a day to day struggle, you feel if you just cant do something you are letting everyone down you try and try and the struggle gets tougher and tougher till you break it sucks I hate it more than anything diagnosed #bipolardisorder #ptsd #clinicaldepression #anxietydisorders
A #pencil #drawing
I once made; trying to depict #clinicaldepression
or at least how it felt to me. Its a dark murky pond filled with every emotion you have tried to supress , there is a dark shadowy #forest
around that pond thats filled with echoes of past memories that chase you towards the pond. But you want to avoid the pond because its filled with shit. Instead you end up walking in circles, unable to break free from the cycle until you dive in that pond and swim to the bottom of it, its origin.
And when you surface the forest doesn't seem that frightening any more.
I suffered clinical #depression
for years, it became so bad that I had no choice but to bite the bullet of intensive therapy and medication or face the very real option of suicide because it made life unlivable. I am still here and while I am no longer in any clinical stage its like a shadow over my shoulder: always looming and awaiting its chance, waiting to strike on a weak moment. And I had to learn to live with the fact that its a mental pathology for which you have to be vigilant.
#confessions #art #artistsoninstagram #kunstenaar #kunst #inspiration #unfinishedart #mentalhealth
Exposed, 6/2017, this was part of my ArtPrize entry. It represents feeling stripped down to my bones by people knowing I have clinical depression. Some knew I dealt with “depression” from time to time, but that word is used so many ways. The heart and brain I’m holding that have some black fluid running out represent the effects of the illness on my physical and figurative mind & heart. I like this one of the mini murals I made best because I feel it’s the most honest I can be about how I feel most of the time. Feeling exposed, but still trying to hide/protect parts of me, knowing that many people still won’t understand.
Happy Friday! I’ve never done a #fridayintroductions
before so here we go! • my fave food ever is key lime pie!
• i struggle with #clinicaldepression
• i am a terrible singer, so when im singing in the car i make sure to sing EXTRA loud so everyone hears me 😂
• i have a SMALL (big) obsession with hats • recently i have learned what #selflove
is & how important it is to maintain a healthy state of mind
Now I wanna know about you!! Tell me something’s about yourself in the comments!
Starting the morning off with a 30 minute anxiety attack lying in bed wishing I could take advantage of a last little bit of extra cuddles. I start house sitting for a repeat client today and have been stressing for a week because of lack of communication... Just found out that one of the dogs got sprayed by a skunk last night and they forgot to leave me a key... Plus I might be hiking across fields to get there anyway if it snows... My face is covered in blotchy red itchies and my mouth still hurts from dental work yesterday. It is taking everything I have to go to my real job today... I am feeling overwhelmed by life and have soooooo much I need to be doing but just can't. Blargh. #365selfiechallenge #365daychallenge #365selfies #ptsdlookslikeme #cptsd #generalizedanxietydisorder #clinicaldepression #autoimmunedisorder
Hi guys. I just googled a few tips to beat insomnia. At the moment, I depend on Zolpidem 10mg to induce my night sleep. I need a straight 8-hours undisturbed sleep daily due to the medication or else I'm going to be very sick the next day.
But I'm aware that this is not a permanent solution. So I'm working to go to bed and sleep on my own - which many people take this gift for granted.
Hopefully, my psychologist will return from her maternity leave soon. I'm sorry dear child, I need your mom too.