I was so excited to have them until they wouldn’t stop growing. In the 4th grade. 5th grade was hard when all the kids stopped talking to me, and made fun of me. I can remember one girl in particular, who made faces as I read aloud during class, while all her friends giggled along with her. Then in 6th grade when it was all better, boys started to pick on me, and everybody said it was because they liked me. One boy in particular would leave welts on my legs from snapping paper footballs and rubber bands on them, but I was so excited to be liked (and not excluded like the year before) that I never said anything.
As we got older, boys and girls alike would assume that I was easy because I had big boobs, and I went through great lengths to hide them, to hide myself under boxy clothing and baggy sweaters.
It’s a strange place to be, to feel ugly and threatening at the same time.
Girls would suddenly get possessive about their boyfriends when I was around. It was hard to make friends. And of course it didn’t help that I was so shy and awkward.
At the ripe old age of 20 I’d resigned myself to the fact that I’d never look like the cool girls in the PacSun ads, and I decided that it was fine and appropriate to wear mom sweaters and mom jeans.
Until one day, I watched an @Oprah
show where women were getting fitted for the correct bra. Just one little bra, one small change, one new piece of information, and these women were being transformed before my eyes.
That was they day hope was born. Hope for my body, which I had already written off as ugly and defective. Hope for myself, since suddenly it was clear that answers and information, support for both emotional growth and cleavage, was all out there and available.
Maybe I wasn’t ugly, after all. Maybe a Cinderella moment could be mine, too. If I could solve this problem by learning something new, then what other answers were out there, just waiting for me?
And so, boobs. They’re part of me. We’ve made peace. They sustained my daughter. They’re challenging to dress sometimes, but they’re still fun.
(Cont in comments 💃🏻)