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This is the face of mental illness. For those of you who don't know me, I struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder. Do your research if you'd like but it essentially makes the sufferer 10x more susceptible to being a little bitch. (Super emotional, kinda sensitive). Many of us who struggle with BPD struggle with self harm as well. I know I personally do. Its not fun. Its not cool and it sure as shit isn't pretty. For those of you ignorant cunts out there that still believe people who self harm are looking for something some type of personal gain, you're fucking right. But it isnt attention we're looking for. Its a release. A motherfucking awful, destructive and temporary one, found in cutting or burning or scratching your fucking eyes out. For those few milliseconds, before you come to and realize that what youve done is horrible, that your 4 year old daughter shouldnt have to see blood and scars all over her mom, you feel the closest to ok that you have in a while. You feel like youre in control. My point is to shed some light on mental health, man. You see that smile in my photo? I took that moments before I ruined my makeup. And girl, I looked good. Thats a real smile. But underneath that smile is just a little girl who is fucking lost and broken and sick and tired of being lost and broken. Check in on your loved ones, man. It sucks to feel alone in this shit. #mentalhealthawareness #selfharmawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #youmatter #imatter #wematter #;
I've been thinking about this message for a while now and I think to myself "why are you caring so much about these people if they don't even know that you exist?" Sometimes it's best to know the inevitable in these situations. #depression #anxiety #sad #depressed #mentalhealth #suicide #depressionquotes #mentalillness #suicidal #love #bipolar #cutting #selfharm #sadness #quotes #alone #sadquotes #pain #broken #bpd #lonely #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalhealthawareness #aesthetic #anorexia #bipolardisorder #scars #selfhate #ptsd #bhfyp
jewellery storage 😻😻😻 i am so lameeEeEe i love decorating my room now lmfao
last winter 🤗💘 night 💘
an exercise in vulnerability More than anything I want to embrace and love myself. I'm on a down swing and despise who I am. I annoy the shit out of myself, the way my mind obsesses and cycles. I need to share this because it is a large part of who I am. I know people don't see it, and that is so excruciatingly lonely. It makes me pour on those that do, and I want to learn better methods of coping. I want to get better. It hurts to love so hard. #mentalhealth #borderlinepersonalitydisorder
tea time
PSA: YOU DESERVE NEW CLOTHES, EVEN IF YOU HATE YOUR BODY!!!! /// i can’t trust my reflection. i had a shit body image day (per usual) and i absolutely hate trying on clothes and dealing with sizes and stuff, but i live in leggings and band tees, so i picked up a few things, including the romper. body dysmorphia is still a dumb bitch, but things get a little bit easier when you actually wear clothes that aren’t just casual pajamas. you are worth more than your clothing size, i promise💕💕💕 #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderaeawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anorexia #anorexic #anorexianervosa #atypicalanorexia #selflove #worthy #youtube #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bodydysmorphia #youtuber #ed #charlotterusse #redhead
#carnivorediet is not the only weapon in my arsenal!!! #borderlinepersonalitydisorder is about to become my bitch! I enjoyed this podcast and learned something helpful. The pain and anxiety of #BPD are necessary and natural precursors to change. It's time to listen to what my mind and soul and higher power have been trying to tell me. It's time to go where they want to lead me #surrender #bpdawareness #change #catalysts #anxietyrelief
Seriously my parents should be the ones in therapy. My dad was abused as a child and he abused me and my siblings. My moms the victim of domestic abuse from my father more emotional and mental than physical but we all know how much damage emotional and mental abuse can do. #traumaticchildhood #childabusesurvivor #ptsd #domesticabuse #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #eupd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #childhoodtrauma #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionalabuse #mentalabuse #verbalabuse #therapy #cbt #cognativebehaviouraltherapy #psychotherapy #therapyhelps #protherapy #iamnotashamed #mentalhealth #mentalillness #depression
👏👏👏👏 if “Celebrating” a small positive step feels silly. Like it does for me at times, at least acknowledge it as a step. The power of just acknowledging is also helpful and rewarding within. #mentalhealth #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdawareness #mindfulness #borderline #bpdrecovery #bpdproblems #dbt #dbtskills #positivity
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER by Jody Frank EVANS: It's just a tiny beginning but I've signed with an agent who seems excited about my book, tentatively titled "My Daughter Stole the Wheelchair." It's my twisted story of growing up with my mother, who suffered from borderline personality disorder, and taking care of her as she died. Potentially putting this very personal story out there is a little daunting but it's amazing how many people have similar stories regarding mental illness, bizarre childhoods, and mixed feelings about the parent they are "supposed" to love. Who knows what will happen but it's a start. #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #motherdaughter #personalitytypes
...please don’t leave me. Q: what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done?
I feel like a fraud. I am physically ill but so what?! There are a shit tonne of people who are sick but still work, go to school, buy houses and vehicles, travel, take care of their families. If you don't feel well, if you're in pain or exhausted, nauseous, have cancer, etc, take a pill, have an operation so tbat you can go back to work. Life is suffering. Live to work. This is the world we have and I don't agree with it. I don't fit in. Maybe the chemical imbalance in my brain, my criss crossed neural pathways from past traumas and my physical health just is. Who is to judge that my thoughts and feelings are incorrect, "irrational"? What gives anyone the right to deem someone not able to make the choice of whether or not they belong here? What gives anyone the right to kidnap, lock someone up and force them to take drugs if they whole heartedly do not want that? We send people to jail for this shit but when someone wants to make life or death decisions about themselves, suddenly the doctors and politicians have all the power?! This is fucked up! Not wanting someone you love to die is normal. It's also purely selfish. We don't want our loved ones to die because we love them, we love their company, we love what they can do for us. But are we thinking of how they feel? I love my daughters so much. But I regret having them because I see how they suffer. I'm not exactly sure why I got pregnant but I am certain that it was for purely selfish reasons. When I was on antidepressants, mood stabilizers & antipsychotics I wasn't so sad but my thoughts on life and death were still there. I've always told my girls that they truly are the reasons I'm alive. I'm here because I know that if I died now, my daughters, my boyfriend & my mother would be heartbroken. They would be so sad for who knows how long. But how are they now? What life is it for them with me here? Or even without me? I am just another difficult responsibility in an already fucked world. The burden of me being sick, needing help with sometimes incredibly simple things that we take for granted being able to do. Me crying and being sad. Them worrying about me, being frustrated with having to help me.
New hair colour.🦄🖤
idk whatthis was but you can see my scars on my arm :d #depressed #suicide #selfharm #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalhealthawareness
An excerpt from my Psychosis video for Rethink which will hopefully be used soon 🤞 . . . . . . . #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderline #depression #anxiety #psychosis #eupd #mentalhealth #mentalillness #recovery #charity #outpatient #cmht
TW: skin picking. ✨✨ Today was horrible to begin with, it was insanely stressful and triggering which led to suicidal thoughts and skin picking (dermatillomania) This is something I’ve always done and never spoken about because I always felt weird that I did it, there’s so many ways you can do this and not even realise til you see the blood under your fingernails. I’ve always picked my scalp and pulled at my hair, I still pick my scalp a fair bit but I’ve managed to stop pulling on my hair so much. Another thing I’ve always done that ties in with skin picking is biting the insides of my lips and mouth to the point I can’t eat because I’ve caused my mouth to be so sore. Today I picked at my face whilst having an appointment with my key worker about pip, I didn’t realise I was doing this til after my appointment and I felt so ashamed. I picked my face and my scalp and now I have a huge scab on the back of my scalp and sore patches on my face. Mental illness is tricky and complex! Having to constantly prove to people that you are mentally and physically ill/disabled is exhausting, I sometimes wonder if there’s any point in fighting. This whole things is really triggering, I’m sick of having to stand up and shout to be heard, I can’t take it and neither can my body. I wonder if the dwp and the government are happy? this benefit system was initially set up to help people but now it’s only making us worse. We’re sick, we’re tired, we’re grasping for pittance. I’m sorry this post isn’t positive or cheerful but I’m angry. The report from the assessor full of lies, it hurts to know that some guy who is not medically trained who sits in an office has the decision on wether I get help or not. This world is horrible and I’m sick of it, I’m sick of the lack of compassion and understanding. Im sick, can you see me? ✨ [image description: close up of Danika’s face showing red sore patches where she has picked her skin] #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #recovery #mentalillness #selfforgiveness #dermatillomania #skinpicking #ptsd #cptsd #pip #dwp #mentalillness #selfharm #relapse #bpdrecovery #bpdaware
It’s really difficult to not let our illness define us when it rules over our every decision to do or not to do something. Your illness does not define you, your courage and will to keep going when all hope is gone does. #staystrong #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #defineyourself #mentalillness #bpd #suicideawareness
When I was formulating the thoughts for my blog I knew I wanted to have #westminsterwednesdays . London @escoffier_diploma @westkinglondon have been an integral part of this journey for me. It was here that my doctor recommended that I “come out”. Her thinking was that it was a fresh start and in a metropolis such as #London no one would care. So I did. On the first day I stood up hesitantly and when asked about myself I told the room my name, a little about my lovely home #Barbados and that I was #bipolar . And nobody batted an eyelash at me. My wonderful chefs Ian Sutton and @mirandagodfreyfood took me to so many wonderful places, introduced me to amazing new foods and cultures and taught me how to make confections I never dreamed I’d understand the concepts of. My classmates kept me strong, made sure I’d taken my meds, had something to eat, woke up for class, and Amanda? Well.. She was my back,thigh and rib bones. Today would have been the Saturday before school started. I was out with my mum, shopping and laughing away my nervousness, pretending I was ok but doubting if I was ready for this new adventure.. well although I don’t utilize my culinary skills like I should I learned much more than how to bake at Westminster.. I learned skills for life. I learned not to be ashamed of myself and to use it as a super power. I haven’t decided if I’ll do a summary of each week every Wednesday or post a memory but I do know in the weeks to come I want to start back baking from my school recipes as a way to pick back up on my love of baking and as a homage to my home in London. If you are ready for an adventure in learning where you can make a new family, where you can use what you already have inside of you to make yourself better.. then see if @westkinglondon is for you. #breakthestigma #breakingthestigma #roadtorecovery #raiseawareness #raisingawareness #bipolarinbarbados #borderlineinbarbados #bipolardisorder #bipolar #depression #anxiety #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalillness #menthalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #lifestlyeblog #lifestyleblogger #plussize #plussizefashion #plussizeblogger #blog #withlovefromshannah
VENT/PTW today wasn’t the best but not the worse. I’m feeling very overwhelmed and I just need to get it out there and maybe someone could relate to what I’m feeling. Sometimes I feel as I’m the only one who feels this way... like I’m sooo weird. I woke up exhausted. By 10am I was STARVING even though I ate breakfast so I ate and then I felt guilty. 20 minutes later I felt so hungry like I was going to starve and I was soooo done with it so I bought more food but only 3 bites in I felt like the biggest person in the room and I gave the food away. After lunch I had very bad heartburn. I left my last class early and went to talk to my counsellor which made me feel worse about myself so I went to the bathroom and cried about everything I cried because I felt as I was failing my parents my friends and myself. I cried because the heartburn was sooo bad and I hate being chronically ill with crohns. I cried because I felt so big and I felt as I was the ugliest person on the planet. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I knew I needed to be happy so I went to the mall with my babe @mar_recovering and I challenged a Starbucks. While I was drinking it I felt as I was just drinking fat itself and I was going to gain 200 pounds I didn’t even enjoy the drink?!! I hate myself for ruining everything great. By this point my heartburn was so bad I needed to leave mar to go home and take my pills for it. While I was walking I threw up and I cried as I walked home because I’m so tired of being sick and I’m so exhausted mentally. Thank god someone I was worried about is okay and I’m in such relief and shock. I couldn’t believe what happened I isolated myself and I couldn’t even get the motivation to fucking shower. I hate myself sometimes and I hate depression.
fresh start hello 💗 I’m Dawn and this is my recovery account. I’m 16 and I’m recovering from an eating disorder, depression and borderline personality disorder. Today I challenged a PSL with my girl @mar_recovering this drink is so delicious. - #anorexiarecovery #anorexia #ana #ed #anarecovery #edrecovery #recoveringanorexic #recoveringforhappiness #eatingdisorder #eatingdisordersawareness #anorexiaawareness #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #not1in5 #1in5 #bulimiarecovery #mentalhealthawareness #anxietyrecovery #bpd #bpdrecovery #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #ngtube #crohnsdisease #crohns #ibd #autoimmuneprotocol #spoonie #chronicallyill
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