- I wasn’t gonna play. I wasn’t gonna look back ten years ago. I wasn’t gonna bombard you with another transformation. But I changed my mind. I looked. I decided to play. And I’m going to bombard you.
Because ten years ago essentially started my food, fitness and body obsessed decade that consisted of overtraining, food restricting, food bingeing, 20 pound weight fluctuations, AND a tunnel visioned, scale centered, mirror looking, tummy pinching, feeling eating shallow and non-present life. Always looking to the next goal that would make me happy only to find I was never really present, grateful OR happy.
Picture one is during my competitions and photo shoots. I was “fit.” I was “dedicated.” I was “successful.”
I won trophies in 2009. But in 2019 I won the ultimate trophy.
2009 looks like I should be on top of the world. But I guess it depends on how you view “the world.”
The suits beautiful. The photograph is beautiful. But I didn’t feel beautiful.
I chased a weight. A physique. A label.
But in 2019, my view of “the world” is different. I am here. I am present. I am beyond grateful. And I am happier than ever.
There is no goal weight. There is no trophy waiting for me on the scale.
Sure, there was joy in the trophy. But there is a million times more joy in my little boy.
There is less pressure and more confidence to be who I am instead of trying to fit a certain identity because of my job or my image and there is so much freedom and happiness in that.
I don’t regret that time of my life. I wasn’t ready for this gift yet. And now that I am, I appreciate It more than ever.
My body may be different now but so is my joy. And most importantly , so is my view of “my world” and myself.
Your timeline is yours, no one else’s, and not set in stone. Feel free to change paths. To not force things. And to be who truly makes you happy. But in order to do these things, you must make it a point to be present. Not focused on what was or what “should” be. Because what IS is all we ACTUALLY HAVE.
Time will pass anyWay, might as well spend it how you WANT to.
Cheers to ten years and a whole lot of growth. 🌟I’ll happily age if I age happily