I want a proper fag.
Today I got caught about to hang myself, put on 1:1, then given bathroom privacy, then it changed to just in my bedroom, then changed to kitchen privaleges back to no 1:1 all in 6 hours. It was almost like I wasn't on 1:1 at all. I didn't want to be on it but what an absolute joke.
Really fucking needed this. I’m such a wreck right now, brushing it off as the first few weeks of school being stressful. My skills aren’t working and I’m going crazy, but inside my own mind because I can’t bother the people around me anymore than I already have. Hope this helps someone else too❤️
The morning after a bad night feels heavy and sluggish. While I managed to stay safe, my thoughts were tormenting me, screaming through my mind. Abusing me. The rising levels of panic and anxiety are so intense. Rocking back and forth, trying to breathe. My chest heaving, yet it feels like there is no air in my lungs. My hands block my ears but it it doesn't help as the voices are inside my head.... tearing my apart from the inside out. I want to rip my skin apart. Release the voices and the anger and the pain. But I managed to hear that one tiny voice. The voice telling me that these feelings will pass... it was quiet. Almost silent. But I heard it.... and listened. Just. I rode the wave. Sobbed. Cried. Yelled. Fought. Rocked. I managed to find an ounce of strength to put some music on. Drown out the thoughts. Focus on the rhythm, the beat, the words. Wailing turned to quiet sobs. Irregular, hard breathing turned to quiet breath. Gaining control. Lie down. Close my eyes. Focus. Hands on my belly, feel the breath. Calm washing over me. Listen to the music. Cry. Calm. The crashing waves and storm are subsiding to gentle shimmers that hit the beach with a steady rhythm. Calming regularity. Monotonous. Steady.
Sleep comes. Eventually. And the next morning rolls around as the sun comes up. More regularity and knowing that the Earth still turns, life keeps going on. I keep going on....... I can dance in the storm and survive. I can swim in ocean, waves crashing and I will end up back on the shore.... I need to hold on to the feeling of survival when I feel so lost..... #anxiety #actuallyborderline #actuallybpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #badday #cantdothis #naturetherapy #addiction #alcohol #avoidfeelings #eatingdisorder #stigma #highfunctioning #ednos #fight #mentalhealth #mentalillness #anorexia #bulimia #happiness #depression #anxious #recovery #recoverywarrior #ridethewave
you are uniquely, 100% you. there never has, nor will be someone the exact same as you. the world has never seen you, and needs you in it.
Me vs alcohol 🍺 .... wins every time 😂
on this week’s #featurefriday
, we’re showing you guided vent; a tool in AnxietyHelper that allows you to vent in a controlled and safe environment based on cognitive behavioral therapy. open the app and find the relief you need instantly.
How well do you know yourself?
One of the things that surprises me on my journey of learning to live with BPD, is how little I have understood myself. For example, it wasn’t until fairly recently that I realized that some of the high intensity emotions I sometimes feel when I’m disagreements with people are less about the topic were discussing, but more about my fears that I think the disagreement will somehow make that person not want to be around me anymore. And because I’m actually just scared and insecure, I end up making a much bigger deal about whatever it is are disagreeing on than I would if I didn’t think there were any deeper implications.
Coming to this realization has been really frustrating, because it’s frightening to be in a position where I doubt what it is I actually believe or think. Even though it’s scary, understanding how I function is the only way I can change and challenge my faulty thinking.
I wanted to share this with you all today because I think we human beings tend to judge our own thoughts and negative qualities or thinking patterns a little too harshly. That negative self judgment can make it really hard to accept the “bad” things about ourselves and be willing to work on them to be better. So I wanted to tell you that if there is something about yourself that you don’t like, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you human. And that is OK. What matters most is what you choose to do with that information.
Skirt designed and made by me with materials from @joann_stores #handmadewithjoann
Jury’s still out on this one
Sorry y’all for being a little less active, I’m having a struggle honestly. I’ll get by, but the first couple weeks of the new school year is always really hard for me
It’s so hard to feel okay lately. I’m trying, I’m distancing myself from everyone and I know it’s bad but sometimes I feel like I have to.... I’m not okay and I don’t know how to be okay anymore. Please forgive me for losing myself in this and for being so distant. I love you. And I will get better. #deppression #actuallybpd #mentalhealth #distant #illness #notokay
Idag är det rättegång i Stockholm. En rättegång som kommer att uppmärksammas i stora delar av världen. Rättegången mot Kulturprofilen som står åtalad för två våldtäkter. Desto fler omnämnda i @dagens_nyheter
Men dessa två är de han nu ska stå till svars för. 18 kvinnor gick för ett år sedan ut med att ha drabbats av fasansfulla övergrepp och trauman. Några vågade träda fram, andra har förblivit anonyma. Sexuella övergrepp leder ofta till livslångt lidande. En våldtäkt försätter många kvinnor (och män) i ett dissociativt tillstånd och kan leda till PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) som i sin tur kan leda till suicid. Kvinnan som kämpar för sitt liv handlar (coping) utan att kunna styra över situationen med Fight, Flee eller Freece. Allt som oftast genom Freece (spela död) då både strid och flykt ter sig vara uteslutet i situationen som präglas av maktobalans. Vi är många som varit i den situationen, som fryst och blivit traumatiserade för åratal framåt. Årtionden. Trots det tas det fortfarande alldeles för lättvindigt på alla de brutala övergrepp som skadar människor för livet. Ett övergrepp är alltid ett övergrepp. Reaktionen efteråt beror delvis på vad den utsatte har i bagaget. Det kan alltså räcka med att du blir tryckt mot en vägg för att du ska ta skadas om du bär på trauman sedan tidigare. Så låt oss följa rättegången och hoppas att den skyldige åker dit riktigt ordentligt. ✋🏻✋🏼✋🏽✋🏾✋🏿 #metoo
#metoomovement #ptsd #ptsdawareness
##dissociation #cptsd #childhoodtrauma #mooddisorder #copingmechanism #actuallybpd #traumarecovery #selfcompassion #emotionalwellness #complexptsd #complextrauma #childabuse #psychiatry #therapy #therapist #developmentaltrauma #letstalkaboutmentalhealth #nightthoughts #abuse #trauma #recovery