6 days after chemo and here I am. I woke up at 4:30 this morning with the absolute worst headache I’ve ever had in my life. I guarantee getting punched square in the face by Thor would feel better than this. I’m getting AC chemo, something they refer to as “red death” and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. When you here about chemo they tell you about many of the side effects, but did you know that chemo therapy changes your taste buds? Did you know it gives you sores in your mouth and throat so painful that you can’t do anything but suck on crushed ice and soup? I feel like someone took a scalpel and slit my tongue a thousand times. I think the lack of air conditioning made things immensely worse since the nausea is at an all time high today. I’ve got ice packs, I’ve got Tylenol, I’ve got anti nausea pills, I’ve got crushed ice and I’ve got hope that this will feel better soon. I promised I would be honest about all of this even when it isn’t pretty.. so here is the worst moments. The moments I ponder if the side effects of chemo are even worth it. The moments I wonder if this pain is worth it. Today I want to give this all up and just live as full as I can with no more chemo and no more treatment.. because this headache is ripping apart my soul. I don’t want to do this anymore and that is the Gods honest truth. Today I don’t want to fight cancer at all. .
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