HOLY SHIT!!! How did this happen? A year and a half ago i was just another statistic. Another person lost in the mental health system suffering in silence. I had no idea sharing my story could impact the lives of so many and i must admit the overwhelming encouragement and support makes me feel like i have a life worth living. You helped me through the darkest of times. I would not be here without you. I know that for a fact.
When people ask me why i share my story so openly and honestly i think it just never occured to me not to! I believe in being the change you want to see in the world. I talk about it shamelessly because there should be no shame in it! Although being so open in a public forum has highlighted the many issues around this topic in society. The worst part about being mentally ill or human! Is that you feel so alone. You are not!
I dont do this very often but i feel like this is a significant number to us all. When instagram recently deleted my account i had 75k followers and as i mourned their loss i realised that it was the same amount of people that die each month for suicide! Loosing contact with each one of you made the shocking statistics real for me. It was as if you just vanished into thin air. As if i woke up one day and you were all gone. It hit me like a ton of bricks. The same amount of people do just that every month! 77k beautiful souls leave this world never to be seen again because they lost their fight to the illness we all battle daily. It could be anyone of us! It could be anyone of my followers. It could be the person standing next to you on the train. It could be your sister, brother, best friend, it could be you!
Let those numbers sink in. Perhaps its not the 77 thousand of you who have stumbled across my page. I like to think maybe in some way sharing my story has touched your life in some way. I hope it keeps growing. I hope everyday there is one less person in the world who feels as alone as i did for so many years.
Thank you to all of you!
How has sharing my story influenced your life? What has had the most positive impact on your mental health recovery journey?
OK so I know this may be a controversial post. But I just felt it necessary to say this and I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO!! DONT EVER: -call me babe, touch me, Grind up on me on the dance floor, grab my ass or push your penis up against me, touch me WITHOUT PERMISSION -send me a dick pic. PERIOD! -start a conversation with so I wanna fuck you, or I wanna lick your pussy, lets fuck? I wanna stick my dick in you… etc! -try and exit the FRIEND ZONE! Either way you will get what you asked for. 99.9% of the time you will no loner be a friend or part of my life at all because you just made it awkward a fuck -follow me around the fucking supermarket or approach me in the carpark to flirt with me when I dont even fucking know you! -ask me more than once if I want to go out with you or have sex with you. Dont pressure me into anything. No means NO! -abuse me for not replying to your vulgar private messages -start a conversation with Hi and nothing elsewhere -message or call me at 2am in the morning -ask me to send nude pictures -assume im asking for it unless those words come out of my mouth -assume just because I am single that I am ready to mingle (IM NOT) -use the words Pussy, clit, tits, fuck, sexy, use xx, xoxo, (.)(.) heart, kissing or emojis, tell me im hot as fuck, wolf whistle me, look at me and lick your lips suggestively, yell out tits McGee or comment on my appearance -comment any of the above on my pictures
DO: Respect my personal space and treat me with common decency and respect everyone deserves!
You don't know what I have been through in my life
Maybe I am overly sensitive to this stuff. I have been traumatised by the actions of many men so I am easily triggered by any sexual advances of ANY KIND!
It makes me feel like I am being raped! I hate the fact Men think its their god given right to make me feel that way!
I live every day in a state of panic and fear because of these behaviours!
Like if you think it needs to stop! Its not ok!
P.S. I deliberately chose this photo to get the attention of people who need to see this most!
Comment if you have experienced the same and shame the mother fuckers that did all of the abov0e
Be your own priority!
People have been asking me about my “Ken”. The truth is we are no longer together. It was a calm breakup. Left on good terms. In this case “its not you its me” truly does apply. There has been a pattern in the type of men I’ve dated over the years. Narcissists when I'm “Up” confident and strong. Then supportive, kind and gentle men when I am down. The trouble is I am neither of those people for more than 6 months. Either one cant handle the other version of me. “You’re a different person” is a common complaint. Is that really hard to believe with the number of personality and mood disorders I suffer from? Bipolar in itself is the extreme mood swings between the deepest sadness and the highest of highs. Borderline is a black and white split personality with an unstable sense of self. I am forever changing.
My father told me once “if you put half as much energy into yourself as you do the people in your life, imagine how far you would go” I have since realised the truth of this statement. For years I gave away every part of myself to others. I made poor time investments into people who provided no return. The people and the things you do in life are like gambles on the stock exchange. Life is about learning to tell the difference between a good investment and knowing when to cut your losses. Time invested in yourself is never lost and I have a lot of years Mental Illness stole from me to make up for.
I am grateful for the time we shared together. I learnt a lot. We are controlled by the things we need in life and ours were conflicting. In fact trying to fufil them took away from the happiness I found working on myself. I began to resent him for that. Each Barbie has her own set of needs that drastically change in each mood state.
I gave it a decent 4 months to see if my feelings changed but they just got worse. I feel like I am finally free from the shackles of my illness and the guilt of obligation to others. I don’t feel bad about putting my needs first. For once in my life I am thinking and focusing on myself and I love it! I have finally got ME back and I don’t want to share her with anyone else.